Year One: If you did it, deny it!
by SiRiUsLyPiNkaNdGrEeN
Summary: The Marauders' first year at Hogwarts was anything but normal. They had a plan. And it was a good plan. What was their plan? "I was thinking we get rid of the ceiling in the Great Hall." Getting an education is overrated when there is pranking to be be done! By: do i need a pen name & An-Jelly-Ca
1. Chapter 1

**A/N This is yet another collaboration of the brilliant minds of An-Jelly-Ca and do i need a pen name, who are only listed in that order because it's alphabetical, according to do i need a pen name, which An-Jelly-Ca insists I add. Anyway, this is a prologue-ish type thingy to our story Muggle Studies which, if you haven't read, you must go read, because we said so. This was originally supposed to be a one-shot. But now it is going to be their entire frist year, inspired by an event mentioned quite briefly in Muggle Studies. We hope you like it, and if you don't, too bad. Pretend you do when you review--hey, that rhymes! Anyway, if you don't review, be warned: _we know where you sleep_. If you don't review, we will hunt you down, break into your house, and make you review. Then we'll get arrested. It'll be so much fun! Moving on, just go read the chapter and then review. We forgot the point of whatever it was we were telling you.**

**Disclaimer-We own nothing...except for our knowledge of where you sleep at night.**

**Si fecisti nega! (If you did it, deny it!)**

**Chapter One**

_Boom! _The sound of an explosion resounded throughout the halls of Hogwarts. The noise had its origins from the chamber off the entrance hall which contained approximately forty new first years waiting to be sorted. At the center of the disturbance stood two people, one a boy with black hair and gray eyes was cackling manically, the other was a girl with curly ginger hair and blue eyes, she too was laughing evilly.

The door to the small chamber burst open with a resounding thud as it bounced off the wall. As Professor Minerva McGonagall stalked into the room, her mouth set in a frown, the boy and girl melted into the crowd with a practiced ease.

"Who is responsible for this?" She demanded her voice low and deadly, surveying the damage in the room before her.

"It was him, Professor!" The boy with the untidy black hair and glasses said pointing across the room in the direction of a second boy with long, greasy black hair. "I saw him, it was him, wasn't it Peter?"

The boy in question, a small, chubby blond boy, nodded his head vigorously looking eager to please the charismatic bespectacled boy.

"Severus Snape, I'm very disappointed in you, getting in trouble before you've even been sorted. You're just lucky that the term hasn't officially begun yet, otherwise you would be severely punished, regardless I will take ten points from whatever house you're sorted into." She said and then she looked to the group at large. "The sorting will begin momentarily, everyone line up."

In the commotion that ensued the first black haired boy made his way over to the untidy, bespectacled boy, dragging his ginger-haired friend after him. "Thanks, mate." He murmured in a quiet tone seeing the eyes of the Deputy Headmistress wandering in their direction.

"No problem." The other replied as the amber eyed boy to his right frowned with slight disapproval. "Anyway, Black, I believe this is a start of a beautiful friendship."

"I do believe you're right," Sirius replied as the line began to move forward. "Let's discuss our line of attack for the feast."

"Don't you mean tactical maneuvers?" The amber-eyed boy questioned.

"Yeah…that." Sirius answered looking at the boy strangely. "Who are you again?"

"Oh, this is Remus! Remus Lupin." James said attempting to throw his arm over the other boy's shoulders as they walked into the Entrance Hall. "He's a nerd; he'll be our smart friend. And this is Peter," He pointed at the blonde boy, "He'll be our lackey."

"Pardon me, but what's your name?" Remus addressed Marlene.

Marlene blinked at him, trying to decipher the strange boy's manner of speaking.

"The name's McKinnon. Marlene McKinnon." She finally said from her spot at Sirius' left. "You know, I've always liked saying my name like that ever since I saw that one muggle movie. You know, the one about that Bond guy. Anyway, what're we going to do?" She continued, steering them back on track.

"I was thinking..." Sirius began. "The ceiling could use a bit of…redecorating. It's all dark and dank and…dungeony-looking."

"'Dungeony' isn't a word." Remus said looking affronted, as if he was the one responsible for Sirius' heinous crime against the English language.

"See, I told you he would be our smart friend." James said, in a whisper now because Professor McGonagall was once again speaking and had shot a glare in their direction.

"Dungeony is so a real word, isn't it, Marlene?" Sirius said.

"Uh…yeah." Marlene said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"But back to the plan," James said, "What is it you had in mind?"

"I was thinking we get rid of the ceiling in the Great Hall." Sirius said.

"But isn't that _really_ advanced magic?" Remus questioned.

"No." Sirius replied. "You should see what I did at this one Ministry banquet a couple of years ago."

"What exactly did you do?" Remus asked in a cautious tone.

"Well," Sirius began, "You know how the Ministry is underground?" He paused for effect. "Well, it didn't used to be."

"That was you?!" James said in awe.

"I thought they said they moved the building underground for safety reasons." Remus said at the same time.

"My parents told them to say that." Sirius said with a wave of his hand. "They're the Minister's chief campaign contributors."

"I think we should do it." Marlene said suddenly.

"Okay, then we'll do it!" James stated. "Now, what kind of spell are we talking about?" He addressed Sirius.

"I know a spell that removes the ceiling, but still keeps the rain out. It's like an invisible bubble. I like bubbles." Was the reply. "I read about it in my parents' library."

"Well, what is it?" Remus asked always eager for more information, dutifully ignoring Sirius' talk of bubbles.

"I can't tell you now!" Sirius exclaimed. "Or else it'll get rid of the ceiling!"

"Or you could just say it so the ceiling will go away like we want it to." Marlene said logically or what she thought was logic anyway.

"I'm with her." James said.

"No, we need to wait until we're in the Great Hall for maximum impact." Sirius protested.

"Sirius." Remus paused. "We are already in the Great Hall." His tone of voice clearly displaying his concern for the other's observation skills.

"Oh." Sirius said. "That solves that problem then. We all need to say it at the same time; this spell requires a lot of magic." Sirius instructed.

"But, how will we say it if we don't know what it is?" Remus asked. "If it needs so much magic then you're saying it now won't cause anything to happen…probably."

"Okay." Sirius responded. "It's _Abripiocaelum_." He allowed a few seconds for the others to memorize the spell. "Now on the count of three. One…Two…Three…Go!"

"_Abripiocaelum_!" Five voices said in perfect unison pointing their wands toward the ceiling.

The Great Hall shook and smoke erupted from their wand tips. By the time the air cleared, anyone who looked up saw the image of the starry night sky, complete with twinkling stars, in place of the ceiling.

"Hmm…" Sirius said thoughtfully, "I think you were right about Peter only being our lackey, James."

"What do you mean?" Peter asked. "It worked, didn't it?"

"No, that's just an illusion." Sirius stated matter-of-factly. "The ceiling's still there, just hidden. You pronounced it wrong. It's Uh-bri-pea-oh-kay-lee-um. Not Ah-bree-pea-oh-call-um."

"I couldn't remember it." Peter said defensively. "It was too long."

"That's O.K., Pete." Sirius said, shrugging. "I like it better this way, anyway."

No one could say anything more, however, because at that moment, McGonagall turned around, a killer glare upon her face, ready to hand a severe punishment, which may or may not have included giving them detention every day for the next seven years. We'll never know, though, because at that moment, Dumbledore spoke up.

"Hold on a moment, Minerva," He called from his place in the center of the Head Table. "I find I rather like it this way. In fact, I think we should award points to whatever house these brilliant young minds go to. That was a simply splendid example of wizardry."

"Please don't go to my house." Minerva muttered under her breath.

"Don't you mean witchery?" Marlene demanded, looking highly affronted at the fact that his terminology only included wizards.

"Oh, please, _please_ don't be in my house." McGonagall continued to herself. "Well, at least I won't get Black. He'll be in Slytherin for sure; no Black has gone anywhere but Slytherin before, not even that nice Andromeda Black. And Lupin is a Ravenclaw if I ever saw, and Pettigrew is a shoe-in for Hufflepuff. And maybe if I'm really lucky, Potter will follow Black to Slytherin. After all, his mother was a Black, never mind the fact that no Potter has ever gone anywhere _but_ Gryffindor. There's no avoiding McKinnon, though. Every single person on each of her parents' sides has been in Gryffindor as far back as I can remember."

She paused now, noticing the scared looks the first-years were shooting in her direction. The closest ones had already surreptitiously started to back away.

"If you've finished with the conversations with those lovely inside of your head, Minerva," Dumbledore began, smiling benignly, "We're ready to begin the Sorting."

"Yes, of course…go right ahead." McGonagall responded.

"Alright then, proceed." Dumbledore said subtly reminding her that she was the one with the list of names to call out.

"Abbot, Henry." McGonagall called finally regaining her bearings.

"Hufflepuff!" The sorting hat called after hardly a moment's pause.

"Bones, Amelia."

"Hufflepuff!" More applause rang out from the Hufflepuff table.

"Black, Sirius." McGonagall said scowling at the boy in question.

"_Hmm…another Black._" The hat said, speaking into Sirius' ear. "_Where to put you? Definitely not Hufflepuff. And based on that little display, you're definitely smart enough for Ravenclaw, but you lack the proper work ethic."_

"Why are we even talking about this?" Sirius questioned. "Just put me in Slytherin and get it over with."

"_But why would you want to go to Slytherin?"_ The hat questioned. _"That would be a waste of your talents. Besides, you are far too loud and rambunctious to be a Slytherin. They pride themselves on their silent cunning."_

"But mum told me I _had_ to be a Slytherin." Sirius said in a whiny voice.

"_I seem to keep having this discussion with you Blacks."_ The hat responded. _"Why, I recall talking about this very topic with your cousin Andromeda just a few years back. She won me over eventually…but you won't. No…I have just the perfect place for you…"_

"But I thought I lacked the work ethic for Ravenclaw." Sirius protested.

"_I did indeed. So, it had better be…_GRYFFINDOR!"

**A/N-REVIEW! and tell us all of your positive thoughts.**


	2. Chapter 2

**a/n-It has taken us 30 billion trillion kazillion years to update this story. Because An-Jelly-Ca says we suck at life. End of story. **

**But not really, because An-Jelly-Ca also wants you to feel sorry for us because we just got finished with all of our A.P. tests, and therefore you should not axe-murder us for taking so many thousands of years to update. Have a nice day!**

**Chapter Two**

Dead silence. This was the sound that filled the Great Hall, ironic, isn't it? You could have heard a pin drop, but alas, as no one had a pin handy there was no sound of a pin dropping.

Professor Dumbledore cleared his throat. "Professor McGonagall, would you care to continue with the sorting?"

"Uh-yes, yes of course," McGonagall said, while inwardly her remaining hope that she would not end up with all five of the trouble-makers began to splinter. "Run along, and join the others at the Gry-Gryff-Gryffindor table, Mister Black."

Sirius seemed to be in a state of shock, and it was only when Marlene began hissing at him to go sit down that he snapped out of it and went to sit at the Gryffindor table.

"Okay, moving on…Bung, Rosalind Antigone."

"SLYTHERIN!"

Rosalind Antigone sat down to scattered applause, and Sirius scowled because the only applause he had gotten was from Marlene, James, Remus and Peter.

"Campbell, Lennox."

"HUFFLEPUFF."

"Catchlove, Greta."

"HUFFLEPUFF."

"Cotton, Gregory."

"SLYTHERIN!"

"Dearborn, Caradoc."

"RAVENCLAW!"

"Diggle, Dedalus."

"HUFFLEPUFF."

"Evans, Lily." A red-headed girl strode forward and sat down on the stool.

"I recognize her from somewhere." James confided to Remus, "Ah, yes, she is going to be the girl I marry." He said confidently. Remus just shook his head ruefully but did not comment.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

"Fenwick, Benjy."

"Hufflepuff."

"Griffiths, Wilda."

"SLYTHERIN!"

"Hookum, Daisy!"

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

"Hopkirk, Mafalda."

"RAVENCLAW!"

"Jigger, Arsenius."

"SLYTHERIN!"

"Keily, Aiden."

"RAVENCLAW!"

"Longbottom, Frank."

"GRYFFINDOR!"

"Lupin, Remus."

_You poor boy, if you had asked me a couple of hours ago what house you should be in I would have told you Ravenclaw, however now that you have become friends with Mr. Black, your mischievous nature has become clear, therefore, it had better be…_

"GRYFFINDOR!" McGonagall felt her hope crack further, along with the remaining dregs of her sanity, which she was confident would be gone by the time these five graduated Hogwarts in seven years time.

"MacDonald, Mary."

"GRYFFINDOR!"

"McKinnon, Marlene." McGonagall gave a last ditch prayer to the heavens that she would not be trapped with both Marlene and Sirius, although, she had always known she would have Marlene given her family history, although, she had also thought there was no way she could have Sirius, so…maybe, just maybe…who was she kidding? She was so going to end up with Marlene.

_Not another one, boisterous, aren't you, just like your parents…you and Mr. Black seem to have a very special relationship, it will prosper. And, no I don't mean your friendship. _Before Marlene could ask the hat what it meant it shouted:

"GRYFFINDOR!"

"Meadows, Dorcas."

"GRYFFINDOR!" Professor McGonagall gave a small shudder as she saw the newly sorted Gryffindor sit down next to McKinnon with a wide smile on her face. It would only be a matter of time, she knew, before the small orange-haired girl would pollute Dorcas' mind and bring her to dark side.

"Nott, Theodore." (1)

"SLYTHERIN!"

"Oddpick, Winkus."

"HUFFLEPUFF."

"Pettigrew, Peter."

_Hmm…where to put you, where to put you, I would say Hufflepuff, but it seems like half your grade has been in Hufflepuff, and since your little friends are in…_

"GRYFFINDOR!"

"Professor, you forgot me!" A short blond-boy suddenly said, raising his hand.

"I do _not_ forget people." McGonagall said.

"But, my name is, Beltram Aubrey, shouldn't I have been called?"

"Fine. Maybe I did forget you…" McGonagall admitted. "Well, you can go now then, Aubrey, Beltram."

"Hey, I thought it was my turn!" James complained.

"You can go next, Mr. Potter." McGonagall snapped.

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

"Potter, James." The hat had barely touched James' head when it called out:

"GRYFFINDOR!" As the hat said this McGonagall felt her remaining hope shatter into infinitesimal pieces.

"Prewett, Alice!"

"GRYFFINDOR!"

"Prewett, Fabien." (2)

"GRYFFINDOR!"

"Prewett, Gideon!"

"GRYFFINDOR!"

"Quigley, Finbar."

"RAVENCLAW!"

"Shingleton, Gaspard!"

"RAVENCLAW!"

"Sinistra, Aurora."

"RAVENCLAW!"

"Slinkhard, Wilbert."

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

"Snape, Severus!"

"SLYTHERIN!"

"I knew we weren't going to get along." James confided to Sirius in regards to Snape.

"Yup, especially after you blamed him for what Marlene and I did."

"Thicknesse, Pius."

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

"Timms, Agatha!"

"SLYTHERIN!"

"Vance, Emmeline!"

"RAVENCLAW!"

"Vector, Septima."

"RAVENCLAW!"

"Wazlib, Roonil."

"SLYTHERIN!"

"Widdershins, Willy."

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

"Zamojski, Ladislaw."

"SLYTHERIN!"

The sorting ceremony ended with the new Slytherin, whose name would have been unpronounceable by anyone other than McGonagall, sitting down and joining his new housemates. As soon as he was seated, Professor Dumbledore stood up in front of his seat.

"Welcome, new students." Dumbledore said, his blue eyes twinkling. "This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship for all of you. I know we will have wonderful house unity for the next seven years. It will be a happy time for all of us."

_Not for ME!_ McGonagall thought bitterly to herself as the students gave a rousing hand of applause to the headmaster. She spotted Black and Potter whispering conspiratorily at the Gryffindor table. _Not for me at all._

**a/n-so, we hope that you didn't just scroll through all of those lovely names we just provided for your reading pleasure, as they were all picked specially for you. On another note, furbies will one day rule the world! For more information, please see the story An-Jelly-Ca is planning on writing some time in the next twelve years.**

**Also, as we have high ambitions for ourselves, we are planning on attempting to update once a week from now on. We really, really, hope we succeed in this endeavor. If we do not, well…do i need a pen name is of the belief that you should axe murder An-Jelly-Ca first because this story was written on her computer. An-Jelly-Ca, however, is not aware of this because she has entrusted the writing of this author's note to do I need a pen name. don't tell her I said you could hurt her first if we don't update!**

**Oh yeah…**

**(1) Senior. No time travel here...**

**(2) We just realized that Fabian and Gideon match Fred and George. Get it? G&F and G&F. Molly so planned that one for hours on end.**

**Hope you enjoyed the long-awaited update! Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**a/n-so, it might've been closer to two weeks, rather than three, but SUCCESS! we are officially updating more than once in the same month for one story. this is like a life-defining moment for us. or something along those lines, because do i need a pen name finds herself lacking the proper descriptive words at the current moment. however, she does hope you enjoy the chapter which is super-long for us. An-Jelly-Ca would just like the chapter to be posted already!**

**Disclaimer-We are two people not one person.**

**Chapter Three**

"This is _so_ exciting." Remus exclaimed.

"What is?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah, what?" James inquired. "Are they finally allowing first years on the Quidditch teams?"

"Mmph." Marlene replied half-asleep.

"Mars…it's time to WAKE UP!" Sirius yelled right in the orange-haired girl's ear causing her to jump and knock over a pitcher of pumpkin juice which spilled all over the table. She glared at Sirius as everyone scrambled to wipe up the spill.

"I ought to have your head for that Sirius Black, you know I am so not a morning person," Marlene said.

"But you wouldn't right? Don't you feel bad for me, seeing as how my parents have practically disowned me?" Sirius asked turning puppy dog eyes on his friend.

"They haven't disowned you." Marlene replied comfortingly.

"…Yet." Sirius muttered.

"Doesn't anyone want to know what is so exciting?" Remus asked.

"What?" Peter replied after a long pause during which, were this conversation taking place outdoors rather than in the Great Hall, you would have been able to hear the crickets chirping. In fact, you could actually hear crickets chirping because Sirius had decided it was amusing to cast a charm on Remus causing a cricket-chirping sound to occur every time the boy talked. Remus, for his part, was trying to be above the childish antics of his friend and had yet to undo the charm (or maybe he just didn't know how, one of the two).

"We're getting our schedules today!" The amber-eyed boy exclaimed. "We're finally going to start learning, there are so many interesting things we are going to get to experience, this is SO exciting."

"Wow, Remy…" James trailed off looking to Sirius for help.

"You're such a nerd."

"Why, thank you, Sirius." Remus replied not looking in the least bit affronted. At this point McGonagall passed by and handed them each their schedules which read as follows:

**_Monday:_**

_History of Magic_

_Break_

_Transfiguration_

_Lunch_

_Double Potions with the Slytherins_

_Dinner_

**_Tuesday:_**

_Herbology with the Hufflepuffs_

_Break_

_Charms with the Ravenclaws_

_Lunch_

_Double Defense Against the Dark Arts_

_Dinner_

**_Wednesday:_**

_Potions with the Slytherins_

_Break_

_Transfiguration_

_Lunch_

_Double Charms with the Ravenclaws_

_Dinner_

**_Thursday:_**

_Defense Against the Dark Arts_

_Break_

_Herbology with the Hufflepuffs_

_Lunch_

_Double History of Magic_

_Dinner_

**_Friday:_**

_Charms with the Ravenclaws_

_Break_

_Potions with the Slytherins_

_Lunch_

_Double Transfiguration_

_Dinner_

"Hmm…" Sirius said thoughtfully, tapping his chin as he examined the schedule his clearly insane new friend Remus had been so looking forward to receiving. Sirius really didn't understand why, although there did appear to be a few perks to the arrangement of his classes.

"I knew you'd come around eventually." Remus said, clapping a hand on Sirius' shoulder. "Isn't this so exciting?"

The hazel-eyed boy sitting at the table with them frowned at his two friends. "Not so much, Remmy." He turned to Sirius. "Why have you deluded Remmy into thinking that the pursuit of knowledge and academic achievement is a good thing?"

"Who cares about those things?" Sirius replied with a wave of his hand. "I like this schedule because we have so many classes with the Slytherins."

"And that's a god thing because…?" James looked quite clueless.

"Because then maybe I can delude my mother into thinking that I really am…oh geez, how did she put it again? Oh, I know—'fraternizing with the right kind of people.' Have I ever mentioned that she's really big on that whole blood purity thing?" Sirius asked his friends.

"Then she'll love me!" James said happily. "I'm pureblood!"

"Except that she thinks your family is a bunch of blood traitors." Sirius replied.

Their conversation was interrupted just then by the arrival of the morning's post. Sirius was just refilling his goblet of pumpkin juice when a mean-looking owl swooped down and dropped a scarlet red letter on Sirius' plate.

"Oh, no, this is so, so not good." Sirius said looking down in horror at the note.

"I recommend taking it and leaving the room before everyone hears." James said helpfully.

Sirius decided to take James' advice on this manner and therefore grabbed hold of the Howler and sprinted out of the hall nearly crashing into a group of second years. He managed to make it to the Entrance Hall before the letter exploded in his hand and his mother's magically amplified voice shrieked, reverberating through the hall, and still clearly audible in the other room.

"FILTH! SHAME OF MY FLESH! HOW DARE YOU BESMIRCH THE SACRED NAME OF THE HOUSE OF BLACK?! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO YOUR FATHER AND I? WE WILL BE THE SHAME OF ALL PUREBLOODED SOCIETY BECAUSE OF YOU! AND NEXT I SUPPOSE I WILL SEE YOU CAVORTING WITH MUD-BLOODS AND BLOOD TRAITORS!"

Sirius winced looking at the howler in horror as he listened to his Mother's voice echo through the hall. He was fairly certain everyone could hear her words.

"THERE HAS NEVER, EVER BEEN A BLACK IN GRYFFINDOR, THAT SORT OF BEHAVIOR IS WORTHY OF DISINHERITANCE, I AM DISGUSTED WITH YOU! YOU ARE THE HEIR TO THE MAIN BRANCH OF THE BLACK FAMILY AND YET YOU DARE TAINT OUR FAMILY NAME, THE NAME OF THE HOUSE OF MY FATHERS WITH YOUR GRIFFINDOR FILTH. YOUR FATHER AND I ARE NOT PLEASED, SIRIUS, NOT AT ALL, AND DON'T THINK WE SHALL BE FORGETTING THIS, YOU SHALL NOT GET OFF SCOT FREE FOR YOUR ACTIONS. I CAN ONLY HOPE THAT POOR REGULUS WILL NOT BE INFLUENCED BY YOUR DISGRACEFUL BEHAVIOR! I HOPE THAT YOU WILL AT LEAST HAVE THE COMMON SENSE OF BLACK DECENCY AND PRIDE TO STAY AWAY FROM THE MEMBERS OF YOUR DISGRACEFUL HOUSE, I EXPECT TO HEAR THAT YOU HAVE BEEN SPENDING YOUR TIME WITH MEMBERS OF THE MOST NOBLE AND PURE HOUSE OF SLYTHERIN, AND DO NOT THINK I WILL NOT KNOW, AS YOU CANNOT BE TRUSTED I HAVE ASKED YOUR COUSINS TO REPORT ON YOUR BEHAVIOUR TO ME, SO DON'T YOU DARE STEP ONE MORE TOE OUT OF LINE, OR ELSE YOU WILL REGRET IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS."

And, with that final cheerful bit of advice the Howler exploded into flames, which Sirius calmly put out with his wand tip. He paused a few seconds to collect himself before heading back into the Great Hall.

"So, Mother's a bit angry." Sirius ventured with a weak smile to his friends.

"A bit?" James asked.

"Yes, a bit, if she were really, really mad she would have shown up at the school and pulled me out, either to transfer me to Durmstrang or return me to home-schooling with Regulus." Sirius replied glancing around the room and noticing all the people staring at him with either shock or curiosity.

Marlene roused herself from her semi-asleep state long enough to glare around the room at everyone daring to gawp at her friend and promptly yelled out "Nothing to see here!" as well as "Take a picture it will last longer," causing most of the students to turn away from their group. She then promptly returned to her peaceful slumber.

"You know," Remus began, over the loud chirping of the crickets, "It could be seen as rather fortunate for you that we've received our schedules today, Sirius."

It was as he did this that he realized the unfortunate addition to the charm Sirius had created: the crickets got louder as he got louder. However unfortunate the side effect might be, though, Remus knew he would get past it…one day…perhaps very far in the future, but nevertheless, one day.

The expression upon Sirius' face clearly told Remus that the dark-haired boy failed to see the benefit to receiving one's class schedule on the same day that one's mother happened to threaten something along the lines of disinheritance.

"We have a bunch of classes with the Slytherins." Remus reminded Sirius. "You said you'd be able to fraternize with them, like your mother wants you to, remember?"

From the look that was now on Sirius' face, Remus could see that Sirius did, in fact, remember that short conversation they'd had about Slytherins and schedules a mere five minutes previously. However, Remus could also see on Sirius' face something that, as a very responsible, studious, and rule-abiding person, he really wished would just go away and never return.

Sirius smiled, albeit a bit evilly. "I've just had the best idea ever."

"An idea?" James said excitedly. "How about walls to match the ceiling?"

"I was thinking more long-term than that." Sirius said.

"Dumbledore did say he wasn't going to change the ceiling back." James pointed out.

"I suppose he did." Sirius said with a nod of agreeance. "However, my idea is one that will cause ultimate destruction through the best means possible."

"Ultimate destruction?" Remus asked uncertainly, sounding very much as if he didn't like the sound of that, which he didn't.

"There's a rather large passageway behind the mirror on the fourth floor." Sirius continued, ignoring Remus. "That creepy caretaker guy doesn't know about it, so it's safe. Meet me there tonight at eight o'clock."

"How on earth do you already know about a secret passageway?" James demanded. "We haven't even been here for a full twenty four hours yet!"

"Just be there." Sirius told his four friends. One by one they all nodded—Remus looking as if he knew he'd regret it later—except for Marlene, who had slept through the entire conversation.


	4. Chapter 4

**a/n-yay! another update!!! we really hope you're liking the story so far, and that you really like this chapter, too.**

**Disclaimer-Yeah, we don't own Harry Potter, did you know that? Because, personally, we're really surprised to learn that. _Really_ surprised...**

**Chapter Four**

"It's almost eight." James announced, squinting at the small numbers on Remus' watch, which was still on the sandy-haired boy's wrist. "I think we should go now."

"You said that two minutes ago." Remus replied, pulling his arm out of James' grasp while continuing to read his Transfiguration textbook. "Which would now make it a quarter to eight. We have plenty of time, and I for one would rather finish this chapter rather than help Sirius pull a new prank."

"Oh Remmy…" James shook his head. "You're supposed to be the smart one, here. Don't you remember the conversation we had last night?"

"Enlighten me."

"Well, Peter's the lackey and you're the smart one. Ringing any bells yet?" James asked.

"Not so much." Remus said, and then sighed, while closing his book at the same time. "I suppose it would be better to just get this all over with now, don't you think?"

"That's what I've been trying to tell you all night." James said with yet another shake of his head. He held out his hand as Remus was about to put the book back into his book bag. "Can I borrow that?"

The expression on Remus' face was quite conflicted, but he nevertheless handed the book over to his bespectacled friend, who promptly slammed it on the table between them.

"Oi! Peter, wake up!" James said loudly, causing the blonde boy who had previously been sleeping with his head on the table, to jump out of his chair with a strangled yell.

Once everyone in the Common Room returned to whatever it was that they had been doing before that little display, James stood up, Remus following slowly behind him.

"Let's go, Peter." James said. "We have to meet Sirius."

Ten minutes later the three new first years found themselves considerably out of breath and in front of a mirror on what they were almost positive was the fourth floor of the ancient castle.

"We're never going to speak to that crazy portrait again, do you understand me?" Remus demanded. "That knight was insane!"

"You'll get past it, Remmy." James said with a wave of his hand. "Mark my words, one day you'll get past it." He turned his attention to the mirror before them now, however. "Hmm…how do you suppose one opens this thing?"

"I'd try pulling the mirror away from the wall." Remus said dryly. "It might just work."

James did as Remus had suggested, and in no time at all they found themselves standing in front of what appeared to be quite a roomy passageway. Sirius was sitting on the ground not too far ahead of them.

"Finally!" Sirius cried. "I thought my friends had decided to abandon me in my moment of need. But, anyway, now that you're all he—wait a minute…Where's Mars? I can't induct you into a secret society without Mars!"

"Secret society?" James said excitedly. "What kind of secret society? Will there be mischief making?"

"I believe Marlene has already turned in for the night." Remus told Sirius. "She was rather tired at dinner."

"And at breakfast this morning, too." Peter chimed in.

Sirius just shook his head sadly. "Poor Marlene…Poor, poor Marlene."

"Why?" Peter wanted to know.

"Well, you snooze you lose." Sirius declared. "No induction into a secret society for Mars."

"We could always wait for her you know and do this later…" Remus suggested.

"Actually, we can't," Sirius replied.

"Why?" Peter questioned.

"Because, we are forming a secret society, and I drew up a contract/set of rules for those in the organization, and I already put the spell on the parchment which only gives us another three hours before it doesn't work anymore." Sirius elaborated.

"Well, it's her fault for going to bed early." James declared. "That's practically a crime."

"Alright, who wants to see the contract?!"

"Do we really have a choice?" Remus asked.

"Nope." Sirius answered cheerfully.

_When in the course of wizarding and prankster events it becomes necessary for a group to assemble for the sake of spreading havoc and mayhem into the lives of all wizarding-kind, a desire to brag about said secret society requires that they detail their plans and beliefs._

_We hold these truths to be self-evident that all Gryffindors are superior to Slytherins, that they are endowed with superior intelligence, courage, athletic skill, and everything else that can possibly come to mind. In order to prove these truths the undersigned must undertake the task of pranking Slytherins and others who seek to do harm including but not limited to professors, parents, and crazed evil dictators/self-declared lords who may one day in the near or far future exist. Furthermore, the undersigned pledge never to turn against each other in favor of any of these groups. Prudence, dictates that the undersigned are sneaky in their manner of pranking, and furthermore that we endeavor to insure that there is just cause for our pranks just cause includes but is not limited to 'they were looking at me funny' or 'they gave me too much homework.' The history of the present and past members of Slytherin has been one of repeated injuries and usurpations toward innocent people. Let the facts of their behavior be submitted to a candid world._

_They have spoken ill of half-bloods, muggle-borns, and nice pure-bloods._

_They (Severus Snape) have undertaken to usurp James Potter's hold on his future wife Lily Evans._

_They have looked at the members of this new formed secret society in a funny manner._

_They have produced people such as one Walburga Black._

_They have repeatedly attacked members of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, (which Sirius Black knows even as a first year because his cousin Narcissa's stupid boyfriend always talks about it)._

_As a result of these violations of our ability to have fun, and a desire to prank people and in general spread mayhem, we the undersigned do form the secret society of the Marauders. We pledge to always remain loyal to all those within our society furthermore, we also pledge to never do anything to betray the future spouses or girlfriends of any within the group. The signing of this contract represents a legally binding magical contract and anyone in violation of this contract will wish dearly that they hadn't, as Sirius Black has cursed it and will only comment that the curse is such that HE certainly won't be violating the contract._

_Signed, _

_Sirius Black_

_James Potter_

_Remus Lupin_

_Peter Pettigrew_

_(The Marauders)_

"Wow," Remus paused. "I didn't know you know so many big words."

"Thanks…" Sirius considered this for a moment. "HEY! Are you implying that I'm dumb?!"

"No, no, not at all." Remus replied sarcastically although none of the three picked up on it.

"Oh, okay, then." Sirius replied mollified.

"This is so cool!" James exclaimed. "A secret society dedicated to pranking people! And Marlene thought sleep was more important than this…"

"I know; it is definitely the best idea I ever had."

"Um, what kind of curse did you put on it exactly?" Peter inquired.

"It's no big deal, don't worry about it," Sirius replied waving away his concerns. "Just a couple of spells I got out of my parent's library."

"That's reassuring." Peter replied even though his tone said the opposite.

"As long as none of us violate the contract we won't have any problems." James added.

"Yep," Sirius responded. "Now, do you know what it's time for?!"

"Homework?" Remus asked hopefully.

"Nope!" Sirius exclaimed while shooting Remus a rather affronted look at the suggestion. "It's time to plan a prank, it needs to be HUGE, bigger than the disappearing ceiling even!"

Remus felt at this point that ominous music should probably begin playing in the background…


	5. Chapter 5

**a/n-yay! another update! aren't you all so proud of us? anyway, since it hasn't really been that obscenely long of a time since our last update, we felt it would be ok to spare you our lenghty sorrows at not updating sooner. so, just go enjoy the chapter!**

**Disclaimer-J.K. Rowling wishes she was as amazing at writing about her own characters as we are.**

**Chapter Five**

Minerva McGonagall was not having a good third day back to school.

Her second year Hufflepuff and Slytherin class had put out a truly dismal showing. They did not even come close to transfiguring their tea cups, and to make matters worse every Slytherin seemed to consider it their personal obligation to make the Hufflepuffs cry.

Furthermore, two of her fifth year Gryffindors had gotten into a fight in the middle of corridor like common street thugs, one had walked away with purple hair and the other with a dinner plate glued to the back of his head. Unfortunately, this may or may not have been the result of a permanent sticking charm and let me tell you Minerva McGonagall did not look forward to telling that child's parents that a dinner plate was permanently glued to his head.

And, to make matters worse, her star chaser had fallen down two flights of stairs and according to Madame Pomfrey would be out of commission for the next one or two matches. McGonagall could not understand how someone who was poetry in motion in the air could be so clumsy on her own two feet.

Her fondest desire was to retreat back to the calm sanctity of her office and have a nice, soothing cup of tea without interruption from any of her students or fellow professors. Unfortunately, this was not going to be the case…

The transfiguration mistress had just set about finding her tea kettle when screams of horror began to filter through from the floor below. McGonagall groaned and allowed her head to fall onto her desk with a resounding thud (which only served to increase the migraine that had been lurking at her temples all morning). She took a few calming breaths and, stealing herself for horrors beyond her imagination, dragged herself out of her office and down the marble staircase. Nothing could have prepared her for the sight that greeted her.

"Purple bubbles?" She inquired in a wary tone, wisely drawing to a stop at the bottom of the stairs several feet away from the center of the mayhem.

"Indeed," replied Dumbledore who was watching the chaos unfolding with what can only be interpreted as an amused expression on his face. "However, this goes far beyond the appearance of these magnificently conjured purple bubbles…"

Indeed, Dumbledore was quite astute in his observation for when each purple bubble popped (usually right above someone's head) that person would experience some, ah, unpleasant side effects. Namely, when the bubble exploded the person unlucky enough to be underneath it would A. Have their hair died some horrendous neon color such as pink, orange, yellow, etc. Or B. the spell seemed to have the effect of forcing those under its influence to tell the truth (in the most straight forward manner), meaning that some unfortunate boyfriend who had been asked "Do these robes make me look fat?" was suffering the wrath of his girlfriend. Also, fireworks were erupting from all over and scrawling the message "the Marauders were here," in the air. All in all, the Marauders had managed to accomplish quite a bit in their first official prank.

McGonagall, meanwhile, seemed to be on the verge of an aneurysm as she took in the calm countenance of the Headmaster, the brightly colored fireworks, and the screaming student populace. It was as an afterthought that she decided to calm down just enough to ask the Headmaster a question.

"Who, exactly, are these 'Marauders?'" She asked through clenched teeth.

"An excellent question, my dear Minerva," Dumbledore said pleasantly. "Although, whoever they are, they are quite aptly named. They are succeeding far beyond normal standards in the area of invading and attacking this fine institution."

"Aren't you going to do anything about this, Headmaster?" McGonagall demanded, her mind clearly on the events of the night of the sorting ceremony. Students could not be allowed to get away with such extreme mischief making!

"Hmm…" Was Dumbledore's thoughtful, academic response. "I think not. Today is such a fine day for pranking to occur, don't you think, Minerva? Besides, we must assume that these lovely students who are calling themselves the Marauders will strike again, don't you think? I'm sure there will be plenty of other opportunities for them to be punished. One just has to hope that they aren't staying true to their title and taking this opportunity to pillage the castle as we observe the mayhem they have created for what we are assuming is their own amusement. Lemon drop?"

Professor McGonagall could only stare at her superior in what can best be described as shock.

"Another time then, perhaps?" Dumbledore suggested, putting the paper full of the offered candies back into his pocket. Then, without another word, he turned on his heel on walked away, whistling a cheerful-sounding tune that did not in any way echo Professor McGonagall's mood at the current moment.

Abandoning the clearly seething Deputy Headmistress momentarily, at the top of the marble staircase an entirely different scene was being played out. Well, almost, anyway…

"We have succeeded!" Sirius declared triumphantly.

"I never should have agreed to this." Remus said with a shake of his head as James and Sirius high-fived each other. "There goes my dream of having a perfect school record."

"Dumbledore left and didn't do anything about it, though." Peter said. "We aren't going to get in any trouble at all."

"I highly doubt that." An unfamiliar voice said from behind them.

As one, they all jumped and turned to see a small, red-haired girl standing before them. James' eyes lit up at the sight of her.

"Lily Evans, isn't it?" He asked, sticking a hand out for her to shake. "I'm James. James Potter."

Lily merely raised an eyebrow at him. "This is the fifth time today that you've introduced yourself to me. I know who you are, Potter." Ignoring the crestfallen look on James' face she turned to Sirius. "It's Sirius Black, isn't it?"

Slowly, Sirius nodded.

"Marlene McKinnon is looking for you." She informed him. "I've only known her for a few days now, but if I were you, I'd run away and never come back."

"Er…why?" Sirius was quite confused.

"My dear friend," Remus began, putting a hand on Sirius' shoulder. "When someone says they highly doubt we're not going to get into any trouble, like Miss Evans here did just moments ago, then I'm sure they have ample enough reason to justify it."

"What Remmy is trying to say," James cut in suddenly, "Is that Marlene is going to kill you because you forgot to tell her we were doing a prank today, so we did it without her."

"No." Lily said. She pointed towards the staircase. "That's why McKinnon is going to kill him."

The four boys turned to look where she pointed and saw a very irate-looking Marlene walking towards them. A very irate-looking Marlene with bright blue hair.

"Oh dear." Was all Remus could say.

"Have a nice day, you lot." Lily said before walking away.

"We're going to die." Peter said in a panicked whisper.

"Why yes, Peter. Yes, we are."

"YOU!" Marlene practically shouted, her finger pointed at the group as a whole. "Look what you've done to me!"

"But Mars," Sirius said, attempting to reason with his friend, and failing miserably, "Look on the bright side. Now your hair matches your eyes."

Marlene focused the attention of her glare on him as he spoke.

"What if I don't want my hair to match my eyes?" She demanded. "What then?"

"You'll be unsatisfied with your wonderful matching-ness?" Sirius offered, backing away slowly as she advanced on them.

"I'll say." Marlene replied. "Do you even know how to reverse this?"

"Well," Sirius began, but, alas, we shall not learn if Sirius knew the reversal spell for Marlene's blue hair, because just then a purple bubble, which had drifted in between Marlene and the four boys, chose that exact moment to pop.

_The Marauders were here!_

Marlene just looked at the words shimmering gold in between them for a moment, before looking back at the boys.

"You four pulled this prank, right?" She asked.

"Yep." Peter replied. "Great, wasn't it?"

"I think we've already established that Marlene doesn't think that, Pete." Remus muttered in the smaller boy's ear.

"Oh, yeah…"

"Then who are these so-called 'Marauders?'" Marlene demanded.

"Ah…well, that would be us." James said. "The four of us." He indicated himself, Peter, Remus, and Sirius. "It's a secret society dedicated to pranking that Sirius made up last night."

"Excuse ME?" Marlene demanded irately, if not for the fact that this was so not meant to be amusing the sight of the short curly, blue-haired girl with her hands on her hips making four much taller boys cower in fear of her would've been quite humorous. As things stood however, the four boys would soon be finding little to laugh at.

"You're excused." Sirius said cheerfully.

Marlene wisely disregarded this remark and plowed onward. "Are you telling me that you, you four, traitorous traitors formed a secret society without me last night? How could you do this to me?! How?!" And to the four boy's great horror her eyes actually started swimming with what looked suspiciously like tears.

"Aw, Mars, don't cry," Sirius said feebly exchanging uncomfortable looks with James.

"None of you love me anymore, admit it!" Marlene demanded.

"We do!" Sirius protested vehemently. "We really did mean to include you but the secret oath we signed was a time-release spell, and you were asleep, and we can't get in the girl's dormitories and there was nothing we could do about it."

"A likely story!" Marlene scoffed.

"Really, it's true!" James squeaked looking terrified that she was going to start crying all over him at any moment.

"Look, Mars, is there anyway we can make this up to you?" Sirius asked pleadingly.

"…well, there is one way." Marlene said taking care to keep the evil smirk of her face. Boys were too easy to manipulate.

"Tell us!" Peter exclaimed.

"Yes, please do." Remus added.

"Well, first of all, I expect advanced knowledge of any and all pranks you pull in the future, also, seeing as how my hair is now blue I expect all of you to dye your hair a color of my choosing as a show of sorrow and solidarity."

"…B-but my hair!" Sirius exclaimed.

At this protest, Marlene turned watery blue eyes to her friend, and he was soon crumbling like putty in her capable hands.

And, that was how Sirius found himself with bright pink hair, whereas James enjoyed hair of a lovely shade of violet, Remus got some delightful neon green hair, and Peter's hair was a quite interesting shade of puce. Unfortunately, for them the hair color spell was on a time-release spell and Marlene, in a spurt of vindictiveness, set it for two weeks. On the other hand, they did get away with no punishment, because why on earth would the perpetrators of a crime also attack themselves? So, clearly they were innocent.

But they wouldn't always be…

**a/n-please review! and we'd also love it if you read and reviewed our other story Muggle Studies. thanks for reading!**


	6. Chapter 6

**a/n-so...we just felt the need to let you know that it depresses us to the most extreme when we don't get reviews. we just want to know what people think...**

**Disclaimer-So:**

**1. We aren't British. **

**2. We don't live in Scotland. **

**3. We aren't married. **

**4. We don't have kids. **

**5. We aren't insanely rich (though we really wish we were!). **

**6. Our names are not J.K. Rowling. **

**7. We aren't poets. **

**8. We've never felt the need to spread anti-communist propaganda in the form of children's books. **

**9. We don't have a doctorate in anything.**

**We just have strange imaginations that thought this up...**

**Chapter Six**

Sirius Black was bored—very, very bored. It was a Monday morning two months into his first year at Hogwarts and he was currently sitting in History of Magic, with Professor Binns who had to be the most boring person to ever live, er, die, or whatever considering he is a ghost. You would think being that he was a ghost he'd at least be sort of interesting like Nearly Headless Nick, instead Binns was the exact opposite, and Sirius adamantly insisted that Binns was attempting (quite successfully) to bore them all to death, even as Remus countered that it was not in fact possible to be bored to death. Sirius disagreed.

This class was made even more boring by the fact that it was all Gryffindors, so he didn't even have a Slytherin to prank, or a Ravenclaw to shock with his lax study habits, nor even a Hufflepuff to scare. Furthermore, given that it was first hour on a Monday, Marlene had long since fallen asleep and therefore was unable to provide Sirius with sufficient entertainment. All in all History of Magic was not Sirius' favorite class.

Now as we all know, there is absolutely nothing more dangerous than a bored Sirius, except for perhaps a bored Sirius accompanied by an equally bored James. Which was in fact the case on this particular Monday.

Sirius surreptitiously glanced at Remus, who was sitting in front of him, making sure that he was nice and absorbed in his absurd habit of note-taking before hastily scribbling a note to James and charming it into the shape of an airplane before sending it soaring into the back of the bespectacled boy's head. Said boy turned around to glare at Sirius, who remained unfazed, before unfolding the note.

**Bored? I am! And, do you know what that means? It's time we pulled a prank! We just got off our detentions for that prank we pulled last week, you know when we stole Flitwick's wand and gave him that fake wand, which means it's high time we pulled a new prank. And what better time than right now, we will surely be doing a helpful service to our fellow classmates, in fact, if as my theory states we are all on the verge of being bored to **_**death**_**, then it would in fact be a life-saving dead would it not?**

_Has anyone ever told you, Sirius, that you are just the teensiest bit prone to melodrama? Nevertheless, you are correct, we must act for the betterment of mankind! What exactly did you have in mind?_

**Well, I was thinking that this class is rather dull…**

_Were you?_

**Indeed I was. Don't you think our most dull professor would be a bit more interesting if he spoke in rhyme? Like that one Muggle? What's his name? Doctor-something or other.**

_Um, Sullivan? Swanson? Swift? Sue? Something with an S, I'm not really sure, but I do believe you are correct. I'm assuming you have a spell to accomplish this goal of yours._

**Indeed, I do, Jamsie. Indeed I do.**

At this point we shall turn our attention from Sirius and James' note writing to focus on the oh-so exciting lecture Professor Binns is giving.

"And so Urg the Unclean said,"

"Ad idem(1)." Sirius whispered softly.

"I do not like soap, I do not like it Zud-I-am," Professor Binns continued apparently not noticing the fact that his lecture had just turned into an odd rendition of "green eggs and ham."

On the other hand, several students seemed to notice, and some laughter could be heard in various parts of the room.

"And, Zud replied, would you like it here or there?"

At this Sirius was forced to shove his fist in his mouth to try to stifle his laughter, Marlene actually woke up hearing the laughter and blinked warily at her surrounding trying to ascertain that cause of her classmates' amusement.

"I would not like it anywhere, Urg replied." Binns continued seemingly undaunted by the disruption is his classroom (Sirius had an inkling that the room could be on fire, and the students could riot, and elephants could stampede across the floor and Binns would continue discussing Goblin rebellions.) "Would you like it in a house, Zud queried."

Sirius, who had been rocking backwards on the back legs of his chair (ignoring Remus' many warnings that he would end up falling over) gave a snort of laughter, lost his balance and did just as Remus predicted. And Professor Binns, as always playing the role of the overly attentive teacher, did not even notice this latest in series of incidents.

"Pst!" James suddenly heard a voice saying. "Potter!"

"Evans?" James responded, looking at the red-haired girl sitting next to Remus. "Can I help you?"

"Fix him!" Lily hissed.

"I'm afraid my dear friend Sirius Black is far beyond the point where 'fixing' him is even an option to be considered." James responded gravely.

"I didn't know you knew so many big words…" Remus muttered under his breath.

"Not Black." Lily replied. "Fix Professor Binns! I know you had something to do with it; you always do."

"Oh Evans," James began, "Your praise is unnecessary."

"That'd be because it isn't praise, prat." Lily stated. "Now, fix the professor, or I swear I'll leave class and go get Professor McGonagall right now!"

"Minnie?" Sirius asked, scrambling to his feet and putting his chair right-side-up, while simultaneously sliding smoothly back onto it. "I miss Minnie. I haven't seen her since breakfast, and we don't have Transfiguration today!"

"Breakfast was an hour and a half ago. " Remus said, finally giving up on his note-taking, as he couldn't even make heads nor tails of the rhymes Binns was still speaking in. "And we only have less than three hours until lunch, now. I'm sure you'll see Professor McGonagall then."

"Well, it feels like lunch won't be for a few thousand more years." Sirius replied, sounding a tad depressed about his lack of being able to see his favorite professor, who was—coincidentally, _of course_—also the easiest to annoy, which was quite amusing. Quite amusing, indeed.

Lily continued to attempt to get the marauders to change Professor Binns back to normal, but to no avail. Eventually, she sat skulking in her chair trying to interpret what the professor was saying, but failing miserably.

"Except for Urg." Binns finally said with a tone of finality. "Now, please go away. No more class. I've finished teaching you for the day."

"Salvation!" Sirius cried, finally able to speak at a normal level of voice, now that class was over. Although…it's not as if Binns would really have noticed them talking over his lecture, anyway. Hmm, something to ponder for another boring day of Gryffindors-only History of Magic…

In all of the hustle and bustle of people leaving the classroom—while talking amongst themselves, wondering if ghosts were capable of catching and spreading strange diseases causing them to constantly talk like characters in Dr. Seuss books—none of the Marauders quite remembered to remove the jinx from Professor Binns.

**a/n-Ah, yes, I'd forgotten to mention: the books Great Day for UP and Green Eggs and Ham, both by Dr. Seuss, were used as references in the writing of rhymes during the production of this chapter. ooh...don't we sound official?**

**(1)-An-Jelly-Ca would like you to know that she chose this because it means "of the same mind" She picked it because rhymes are similar. Also, apparently the spell also makes Sirius sort of like Dr. Seuss, because it means they are "of the same mind."**

**Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Oh, and we forgot we wanted to address a question asked in a review. This story is only about the marauders' first year at Hogwarts. We will follow it up with six other stories about the rest of their years at school. After that there will be another story that takes place...well, it would give quite a bit away to say when exactly, but it's going to take place (obviously) after their seventh year...sometime...Please stick through to the end, it's going to be an interesting ride!**

**Please Review!!!**


	7. Chapter 7

**a/n-contrary to popular belief, we are alive. however, since-as An-Jelly-Ca pointed out-we only have one hand left of days of summer vacation before school starts, we shall most likely die soon. and do i need a pen name and An-Jelly-Ca are so tired right now that's going to be our inspiring author's note for the update. enjoy! oh yeah, and please review!**

**Disclaimer-We don't own Harry Potter or Jell-O.**

**Chapter Seven**

Scheduling Cheering Charms for the last day of class before term hadn't been one of his brightest moves and as a Ravenclaw, Flitwick couldn't help but wince at the sheer stupidity of the action. Admittedly, he had never had something like this occur when teaching the charm before so it wasn't to be expected—the worst that had ever happened was a couple of kids needing to be kept in a quiet room for a few hours while they calmed down. And so Flitwick had assumed that the lesson would go over fine. In retrospect, he probably should have taken into consideration who the particular members of the class were _cough_—Sirius, James, Marlene—_cough_. Alas, he had failed to do so, and as a result the monstrosity that is an overly cheerful Sirius was unleashed upon the poor unsuspecting Hogwartians that fateful Friday.

In order to truly imagine the horrors that poor Professor Flitwick suffered, we shall need to go back to the terrifying lesson:

**Several Hours Earlier**

It was the last day of classes before term ended and the Marauders were all to be found sequestered in their Charms classroom practicing Cheering Charms, which Flitwick had hinted were very likely going to be on their exams come June.

"Alright, class I'd like you to split up into pairs—or rather, I'll split you into pairs…" Flitwick stated trailing off as he recalled the horrible things that had occurred the last time he had allowed a class containing the Marauders to pick their own partners…let's just say it's a mistake he won't be repeating anytime soon. "Let's see…maybe some inter-house partnerships?" He asked.

His own students—the Ravenclaws, that is—all groaned aloud in horror at the idea of practicing a charm that would be on their exams with Gryffindors. _Especially_ with Gryffindors like Sirius, James, and Marlene who didn't seem to care much for school; or Merlin-forbid Peter who well, just wasn't very gifted when it came to charms and was more than likely to end up setting his partner on fire.

"Anyway, Black you're with Hopkirk, McKinnon you're with Dearborn, Lupin and Keily, MacDonald with Quigley, Pettigrew with Sinistra, Mr. Fabian Prewett with Shingleton, Mr. Gideon Prewett with Vance, Ms. Alice Prewett with Vector." Flitwick quickly ran through the inter-house partnerships before looking around at the remaining students, "It seems that we have more Gryffindors than Ravenclaws, let's see we'll put Meadows with Fenwick, Potter with Evans, and it seems that there is no partner left for you, Longbottom, which means you will have the privilege of practicing cheering charms with me." Flitwick finished, resolutely ignoring the gasp of horror, which came from Lily Evans' direction.

"It had to be Potter, didn't it?" Lily hissed at her best friend, Mary MacDonald. Mary never got a chance to respond as Marlene, having heard Lily's comment, jumped in before she had the chance.

"I don't understand why you're so mean to James," Marlene said with a frown. "James is really quite nice you know. And, I think you'd really like him if you'd get to know him." The ginger-haired girl finished before leaving behind a confused looking Lily and heading over to join Caradoc Dearborn who was to be her partner for Cheering Charms. On her way, she passed Sirius, hitting the back of his head as she did so, as he appeared to be sleeping on his desk while his partner began working on the assigned charm.

"Take this seriously, Black!" Mafalda Hopkirk demanded glaring at the Gryffindor boy, who was looking around blearily, clearly trying to figure out how he had come to be sitting next to the Ravenclaw girl and not James. "Professor Flitwick said this was going to be on the _exams_."

"My dear Maffie, I do assure you that I am always Sirius. In fact you will probably never meet another person who is as Sirius as I am." Sirius replied grinning at the Ravenclaw girl who was evidently not amused by his puns.

"First of all, do NOT call me that horrid nickname, I have no idea what would give you the idea that I would enjoy being called "Maffie," which sounds very much like the type of name someone would give to their pet niffler, and rather unlike the name of a studious young lady such as myself." Mafalda said sternly. "Furthermore, as much as I _enjoy_ your cheesy puns," The look on her face seemed to indicate that she thought the exact opposite, but I digress. "We need to get to work on cheering charms. Now."

"Why didn't you just say so, Maffie? We'll get started right away!" Sirius exclaimed. The girl fought the urge to bang her head repeatedly against the nearest hard surface and nodded her acquiescence.

"_A bene placito_!"

The girl was rather angry by this point, and thus said the charm with rather more force then was _strictly_ necessary, and the results? Well, let's just say they weren't pretty. However, we shall get to those unfortunate circumstances later, in the meantime, let's see how some of the other students are fairing…

The Potter-Evans partnership was not going well, not at all. In fact, it was perhaps the only partnership in the room doing worse then the Black-Hopkirk grouping.

One half of the group was busily staring up at the ceiling as though asking "Why, are you doing this to me, God?" And, can we be certain that Miss Evans was asking that particular question? Because Lily was also busy screaming that particular phrase to the ceiling whilst James employed himself by singing her a love song. And, unfortunately, James didn't sing well (in other words he sounded rather like a cat in a blender.)

"Potter," Lily began, finally having gathered up the strength of mind to stop screaming at the ceiling and address the boy currently 'serenading' her. "Have some dignity, stop your screeching and let's practice cheering charms, shall we?"

"Anything for you, my most darling Lilyflower."

"_A bene placito_!" Lily intoned flicking her wand at just the right angle so as to administer the charm perfectly.

James immediately became cheerful to the point where Lily was almost afraid to be in his presence. And to her great misfortune, the cheering charm seemed to also have bolstered his confidence and he had begun to recite a rather terrible love poem at the top of his lungs.

She so should've stayed in bed this morning.

Marlene, on the other hand, would have liked to stay in bed as late as possible every single morning, if she could. However, as she approached the desk where her assigned partner was seated, she decided that perhaps today she wasn't going to regret her loss of sleep too much.

"Caradoc!" Marlene said excitedly, her eyes lighting up at the sight of the Ravenclaw boy. With a startled jump, he turned around, his wand up in front of him in defense, a move that was often a wise decision when Marlene was involved. "How are you doing on this fine Friday afternoon? Charming, I'm sure. Say, Caradoc, has anyone ever told you that you're name sort of sounds like the word 'carrot?'" She gasped, her eyes widening further than was probably possible for a normal human being. "And your last name is Dearborn. Do you like deer, Caradoc? Do you? Do you? Do you? Huh? Huh? Huh? Ooh…have you ever fed carrots to a deer? Well, have you?"

This onslaught came as what sounded like a jumble of words to poor Caradoc Dearborn's ears. Indeed, the only possible way he could find to answer the girl before him, who was acting slightly maniacal, was to stare at her helplessly, his wand still pointed before him. Just then, Professor Flitwick chose that moment to begin walking around the classroom, the better to observe the students' progress.

"Well done, Mr. Dearborn!" Flitwick said proudly in his high-pitched voice. "This is a most excellent display of the Cheering Charm upon Miss McKinnon. Well done, indeed."

And without further word, the professor walked away to go check the progress of another group, unfortunately leaving behind a rather flabergasted Caradoc Dearborn still in the company of Marlene, who had yet to actually be put under the influence of a Cheering Charm. There had never been a time before this—and Caradoc highly doubted there would be a time after this, unless he was ever paired with Marlene again—that he regretted being a Ravenclaw. In fact, right now, and he shuddered to even think it, he would rather be a Hufflepuff, and most likely incapable of further affecting Marlene's already high level of cheerfulness.

Now, Peter Pettigrew and his partner, Aurora Sinistra were having a similar yet altogether different problem from Caradoc. Aurora, like Caradoc, was a Ravenclaw, although she, unlike her housemate, did not regret it for an instant. Peter, on the other hand, was a Gryffindor who had a lower skill level than even a Hufflepuff. So Aurora, with this very knowledge in hand, offered to let Peter attempt a Cheering Charm first, as it would make her inevitably successful charm look so much better in the eyes of Professor Flitwick who appeared to be headed in their general direction. She had underestimated the harm Peter could do, however, with his lack of skill in performing even the most rudimentary of magical skill work.

Peter stood a few feet away from Aurora, his wand held out before with a spastically shaking arm.

"_Ah bean placktico_." Peter stuttered, and it was in the moment just before the spell hit her that Aurora truly realized how very unwise it was to even be in the same country as Peter Pettigrew let alone agree to attend the same school.

"You _idiot_!" Aurora shouted angrily at Peter, taking a few steps forward and sticking her wand out so that it was touching right in between his eyebrows. "You said the spell all wrong. It's supposed to be '_A bene placito_' not whatever nonsense came out of your unworthy mouth."

Peter had slowly been shrinking away in fear from the young witch, all the while thinking that Sirius and James had tricked him yet again. It was Ravenclaws you should be afraid of, apparently, not Slytherins. But as soon as Aurora uttered to correct pronunciation of the spell he had so easily fumbled, he found himself to be much too senselessly happy to be even remotely worried about her extreme anger with him. In fact, in his current state, he found that he rather liked her hair in the hue of purple it had suddenly become, and found that he would quite like to sing about just that shade of purple, though he had no idea why, as he was in no way musically inclined.

Now Remus, unlike the vast majority of his classmates, had no problem with the inter-house partnerships. Aiden Keily was the average Ravenclaw student, meaning that he was exceedingly intelligent not to mention very studious. It had taken them both only around ten minutes to perform the charm on each other and they both did it to just the right degree so that the only effect was a slight increase in cheerfulness, rather highly unlike what was going on several feet away from them.

"Oh, no." Remus muttered, knowing that he should be feeling more distressed by what he was witnessing but the effects of the cheering charm rendered him unable to feel more then infinitesimally discomfited.

"What is it?" Aiden asked.

"Do you see that?" Remus inquired gesturing across the room to where Sirius was.

"...Isn't that your friend?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

And, what, do you ask was the sight which had poor Remus so horrified? Well, if you must know it was the image of one Sirius Black laughing maniacally in the center of the room and running in circles. You should know that this in and of itself was not odd behavior for one Sirius Black. The problem was that he was running around shouting various charms which did things like turned people's hair various colors and/or caused them to sing every time they spoke, and keep in mind few of these students were good singers. And, to make matters worse Sirius had managed to levitate poor Professor Flitwick on top of a large cabinet, and had sent his wand in the opposite direction. Remus was further mortified when he glanced several feet to the left and spotted James serenading a rather irate looking Lily (her eye was beginning to twitch, and it was anyone's guess as to when she would snap and hex him).

"Stop that this instant, Sirius Black!" Remus commanded.

Said boy seemed rather disinclined to cooperate and instead glanced around the room, decided he had wreaked enough havoc in the Charms classroom and with a hand gesture to Marlene indicating she should join him ran out the classroom door off to spread mayhem among other unsuspecting Hogwartians. Upon seeing that Professor Flitwick was too busy attempting to fix the damage Sirius had done to notice another student exiting the classroom, Remus heaved a rather put upon sigh and decided that it was his obligation to chase after his aforementioned friends.

Lily, too, was quick to take advantage of the professor's distraction and practically ran Aurora Sinistra over in her attempt to escape James, who only followed her out of the classroom at a sprint. Now Aurora, being the good Ravenclaw that she was and taking into account her current altered state of mind, was quite enraged at the actions of all of these Gryffindors who appeared to not value the educational system as much as she did. And so she saw no other alternative but to follow them out of the classroom so as to make sure they did not disrupt the learning environment of the rest of the castle.

Once he had exited the Charms classroom, Remus could not immediately tell which way Sirius and Marlene had gone. However, it didn't take much time at all to deduce in which direction the pair had disappeared in. It was just as the bell for lunch rang and students began crowding the hallways that he heard Sirius' maniacal laughter on his right. As Remus attempted to push his way through the crowds (and failed miserably, as he was only a first year) he realized that he was heading in the same direction as everyone else: towards the Great Hall. This was not going to end well.

By the time Remus reached the Great Hall, most of the student population of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was already inside. Of course, he could only tell this, because that was about how many people had stood in between him and his quest to stop Sirius and Marlene. However, he could not hear anything from within the Hall; it was strangely silent. The people surrounding him seemed not to notice, though, and walked right in, and as they did so there was a strange squishing sound to break the silence.

Cautiously Remus took a few steps so that he was standing in the doorway to the Hall. The site that met his eyes was a strange one. The Great Hall looked just as it should have: tables, benches, students, and all…yet everything was red. No, not red, it looked as if Remus was looking through a red screen at the room before him. Still cautiously, he reached his arm forward and poked the screen. It wiggled when he did so.

"Jell-O." Remus muttered. Someone—And Remus knew exactly who—had filled the Great Hall with Jell-O. Red Jell-O.

"Jell-O!" A loud voice echoed from behind the sandy-haired first year.

Jumping at the sound, Remus turned to see Sirius and Marlene standing there.

"Why is there Jell-O everywhere, Sirius?" Remus asked slowly.

"I told you he would notice it without you shouting it to the whole world, Siri." Marlene stated.

"Details." Sirius said with a wave of his hand, before turning back to Remus. "It's not _everywhere_, Remmie. That's just a wall blocking the door for people to walk through."

"And they don't notice it at all?" Remus questioned dubiously.

"It's an _invisible_ wall." Marlene clarified with a slightly crazed grin.

Remus was unable to ask how he was able to see said invisible wall of red Jell-O, however, because just at that moment, Lily Evans chose to make her entrance into the Entrance Hall.

"Save me!" She cried, running straight to Remus and grabbing the front of his robes. "Your crazy friend is insane! Get him away from me or I'm going to get a restraining order!"

"_Oh my Lilykins_!" James' voice could be heard from the top of the marble staircase. "Where did you go, my precious flower?"

"I'm not your anything, Potter!" Lily hollered. "Now leave me alone or I'll get McGonagall."

"Minnie!" Sirius said, his face lighting up. "Keep bothering her Jamsie, I want Minnie to come! I haven't seen her since forever and a year!"

Remus narrowed his eyes suspiciously at his friend. "Don't you always say that whenever anyone mentions Professor McGonagall?"

"Maybe." Sirius replied mysteriously.

"YOU!" A voice suddenly shouted.

James, who by now was halfway down the staircase, jumped in surprise, causing him to fall the rest of the way down. The other four Gryffindors in the hall, three of who were his close friends, ignored the falling boy in favor of looking to seeing whom it was who was causing such a ruckus in the hallways. To say they were surprised to see first year Ravenclaw Aurora Sinistra standing there with a red face and looking half-crazed and pointing one finger in Sirius' direction would be a bit of an understatement, however.

"You." Aurora said again, though this time with a deadly calm as she stalked down the staircase still pointing at Sirius. "How dare you."

"How dare I what, my darling Roman goddess?" Sirius asked her pleasantly, ignoring the death glare she was clearly directing towards him.

"How dare you disturb these hallowed halls of learning? You're making a mockery of an education that would clearly do you some good. And I just won't stand for it anymore!" Aurora stated with vehemence.

"You know what you need, oh lovely nighttime spectacle?" Sirius asked. "I think you need a hug—and some happy time. And it's all very arrangeable; I can give you a nice pamphlet about it, if you want."

"'Arrangeable' isn't a real word." Remus muttered under his breath.

"_Immagazzinare._" Aurora said suddenly, but softly enough that no one could hear her due to her distance from them.

"Ow!" Sirius yelped, clutching his side. "Mars, why'd you poke me? You know I'll give you a pamphlet, too. No need to get violent about it."

"_Immagazzinare_." The Ravenclaw said again, this time causing Sirius to grab his other side. And then, "_Solleticare_." Which caused Sirius to erupt into laughter.

"What are you doing to him you crazy, school-obsessed, smart person?" Marlene demanded, finally realizing that it was Aurora behind Sirius' strange behavior…well, not that it was really any stranger than usual, but still.

"I'm giving him what he deserves!" Aurora announced, a crazed gleam in her eyes. Her gaze then fell upon the entrance to the Great Hall, causing her eyes to widen.

"Don't even think about." Marlene warned the other girl, but alas, it was too late to warn the usually studious Ravenclaw of the side effects of using magic on the Jell-O, which apparently was no longer invisible.

"_Agito!_" Aurora cried, flicking her wand from the red substance towards Sirius.

As soon as the Jell-O made contact with Sirius, a sudden change came over the hall. First, it became flooded with the sounds of the Hogwarts population eating lunch. The other thing it became flooded with, however, was red Jell-O.

"I tried to warn you!" Marlene cried as the Jell-O appeared to multiply before their very eyes, lifting them off of their feet and spilling into the Great Hall where it had the same effect on the unsuspecting Hogwartians eating their lunch. "It expands if you use magic on it!"

"You know, my precious Lilykins," James began, "This delectable red treat is nothing compared to the beautiful sheen of your red hair."

"Jell-O!" Sirius cried happily, saving Lily the pain of having to answer him.

And that was the scene that met Professor Flitwick's eyes as he finally made it to the Entrance Hall. Right then and there he promised himself that he would never again teach another practical lesson in any of his classes with the Marauders ever again. However, this was probably not the wisest decision, as he rather valued having a job, so he would just have to settle for pairing the Marauders and McKinnon with each other so as to avoid harming any other students.

Nevertheless, Hogwarts would never again be the same, those five would see to that.

**a/n-just for the record, neither of us have ever fed carrots to deer, but do i need a pen name's sister did get attacked by a deer once when she didn't give it food. that's cheerful, isn't it? anyway, please review! You guys are the best!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: An-Jelly-Ca would like to take a moment to flip out right about now, she is really supremely agravated. fsdhklgfkjgdskjlkj. She had gone to all the trouble of typing out a lovely authornote to you lovely readers when her stupid God-forsaken computer decided it would be fun to tell her that the webpage had expired thereby obliging her to reload the website and begin writing a new author's note. What did she do to deserve this? (pointedly ignores remarks from the readerrs about the fact that do i need a pen name and herself never update their stories...)**

**Anyway, to get back to the point of the original author's note which she had authored before the website decided it would be fun to fill her with woe to the point that she was utterly woeful like a woe-filled woe-er. **

**This will be our last update for the year, 2009 that is. LOL. Lament the end of the year, but really don't. An-Jelly-Ca totally doesn't because the entrance of 2010 brings her and do i need a pen name's graduation year. YES! (does graduation happy dance) This may or may not please the reader as An-Jelly-Ca and do i need a pen name will then become seperated by several states making updates even slower, but never fear! For we shall still update...eventually, at some point or what not. **

**It shall be my solemn new years resolution to update faster, I am not sure if this will be do i need a pen name's resolution for I have failed to ask her, I should really get on that but w/e.**

**It has also come to our attention that several readers have been requesting longer chapters and therefore we have seen fit to provide you with this lovely 4,761 word chapter.**

**Thanks to all reviewers!!! :D**

**Disclaimer: There are several key issues with the theory that do i need a pen name and An-Jelly-Ca are J.K. Rowling many of which have been enumerated in an earlier chapter. Therefore the readers herein can be readily assured that we do not posses any of the characters described within this chapter (oh wait actually we do because we own Marlene's brothers and her parents to a certain extent for we have made them up, although we are positive Marlene had parents and probably siblings as the book mentions that the McKinnon family was kiled, but I digress). **

**Chapter Eight**

* * *

Dear Sirius,

How is break so far? I know you didn't want to go home for Christmas, but I'm sure everything is going okay. And, if it's not we will get revenge on your cousins in a most painful and vengeful way.

You're coming to the Ministry Banquet for New Years right? I'm sure you are, because I'm certain your parents won't miss the chance to show off.

I'm attaching your present with this letter, as I am leaving tonight to spend the holiday in Ireland with my cousins. However, you must give me your solemn promise not to open it until Christmas, okay?

Love,

Marlene

* * *

Dear James,

How is break going? I went on a fantastic shopping trip the other day, to Diagon Alley, my mom sent me off with my brothers to get ice cream for a while, when she was off getting our presents.

Can you guess where she went?!

Quality Quidditch Supplies! I think she might be getting me a new broom!!! YES! It's a shame I can't have one at school though, it's a total travesty. So lame. Flying is the only coordinated thing I can do, and I can't even do it, how lame is that?

Marlene

P.S. Your Christmas present is attached! Don't open until the 25th!

* * *

Dear Remus,

So, guess what!!!

No, seriously, guess!

Why, won't you guess?!

For the love of Merlin, guess! Guess! GUESS!

WHY WON'T YOU ANSWER ME?!?!

-Marlene

* * *

Dear Marlene,

I hate to break the news to you, but I think you're slightly confused as to how a letter works. Let me clue you in, you write a note, mail it to me via owl post, and I then reply to it. There is no instant answer. I cannot guess what until such time as I have actually received the letter.

In the interest of stemming any further demands on your part, I will "guess what."

My Response: What?

Remus

_P.S. Thanks for the Christmas present; I'll be sure not to open it until the 25th as per the tag attached to the present. I am willing to bet you that Sirius will open his early and end up being turned purple or something._

* * *

Dear Remus,

…oh, well then.

Anyway, I was shopping, and I got you the most absolutely perfect present ever, which you will absolutely love! But you can't see it, at least until the 25th.

Marleneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

P.S. Red with Green diagonal stripes, (or is it green with red diagonal stripes. O.o), actually.

* * *

Dear James,

You're a terrible correspondent, almost as bad as Sirius, you know that right? Honestly, sometimes I wonder why I even bother writing to the two of you. I've sent you both at least two or three letters already and I've gotten no response from either of you.

In case you were wondering, Ireland is beautiful this time of year (well personally, I think it's beautiful all the time, but you know, that's just me).

I saw the Irish Quidditch team play, they were pretty amazing, I think they're probably the best in the league. Being the great friend that I am, (ie. A much better one than you, because I ACTUALLY answer the letters sent to me, or I would if any one would answer me), I recorded some of the match for you, I'll bring it to the banquet on New Years.

Marlene!

* * *

Dear Marlene,

I am not speaking to you, any longer.

The person who is resolutely not speaking to you,

Sirius

* * *

Dear Sirius,

You opened the present didn't you?

From your amused friend,

Marlene

* * *

Dear Marlene,

… (that is me, not speaking to you).

Sirius

* * *

Dear Sirius,

I know you said your parents won't let you come to my house for Christmas, but I don't see why not, we're like second cousins or whatever it is. Christmas could have been epic, there are all these old passages in my house and I just found a new one that we could've explored. Alas, it is not to be.

I went to a Quidditch match the other day, it was so cool. I'm definitely trying out for the house team next year. I am going to be the greatest chaser this school has ever seen. You're going to try out for beater right? Do you think we could get Mar to try out, too? I doubt Remy would do it, probably not scholarly enough for him, and can you imagine Peter on a broomstick?

Anyway, I wrote to Marlene the other day and she said you were both going to the Ministry Banquet. We need to come up with an amazing prank, thereby putting our names down in history, even beyond Hogwarts.

James

P.S. Have you heard from Remus lately? I asked him to come over to my house but he said his mum is sick, so he needs to stay with her.

* * *

Dear Marlene,

Sheesh. Take a chill pill, Mar. It's not as though I wasn't going to answer you, you know eventually, at some point, before you died, or whatever.

Anyway, (gets on knees and begs for forgiveness), don't be angry at me, my dearest-friend-who-has-footage-of-one-of-the-most-amazing-Quidditch-matches-ever.

How are your brothers? Your parents? Your footage of the match?

James

P.S. I will definitely not open your present early, because I remember the, ahem, neon hair color incident, and am willing (for this time and this time alone) to admit that you're sort of, ahem, scary. Sirius however, will most likely open it, if he hasn't already.

* * *

Dear Remy,

I AM RED AND GREEN! RED AND GREEN WITH STRIPES!

This is a travesty, a violation against mankind, oh the humanity, oh the torment, oh the agony.

Do you know how to make, me, like, not red and green?

Sirius

P.S. James is concerned by your lack of letters, and lack of ability to come to his house. Is your mum all right? I really think the lot of you should be wrapped in bubble wrap or something.

* * *

Dear Sirius,

ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha (that is me laughing at your misfortune, in case you wondered).

Remus

P.S. Thank you for your concern, my mother is doing much better thank you. (I am going to disregard your mention of bubble wrap.)

* * *

James,

It seems like the Lupins have the worst luck in the world. This month his mum is sick, last month his aunt was stuck in a vanishing cabinet, before that his uncle got attacked by a swarm of flobberworms. Honestly, the whole lot of them need to be wrapped in a permanent cushioning charm or something.

Speaking of Quidditch how much do you know about Marlene's brothers?

Sirius

* * *

Sirius,

Why? What do Quidditch and Marlene's brothers have to do with each other? I know she has five of them. Two older and three younger, all with "M" names. I sometimes think her parents are too big on alliteration.

James

* * *

James,

Marlene's second oldest brother is Milo McKinnon. You know the famous chaser for the Irish team? He played at Hogwarts a couple years back.

She gets to go to any games where Ireland is playing for free. I actually met her at a match a couple years ago, her family usually sits in the top box, and the Blacks being the snobs that we are sit up there as well. I got to go with my Uncle Alphard, and he could care less who I talked to.

Sirius

_

* * *

_

Marlene,

YOUR BROTHER IS MILO MCKINNON?! _The_ Milo McKinnon?! How could you not tell me this???

James

* * *

James,

It slipped my mind. Plus, I figured you would know, considering how you obsessively stalk like, every famous Quidditch player. That and we kind of have the same last name; it's a bit of a giveaway. But, tell you what; I'll get you an autograph to make up for it.

He's coming to the banquet, I'll even introduce you.

Marlene!

* * *

Marlene,

I get to meet him?! YES! This shall be one of the best moments of my young life.

This means that you'll try out for the house team with me and Sirius, right? You have to. Okay?

James

* * *

James,

I'll try out, probably, especially since like, half the team is graduating this year, there'll be plenty of openings.

Marlene

* * *

Dear Peter,

Merry Christmas!!!

You're going to come over to my house and stay from the 26th to the 28th, right?

No one else can come.

Marlene is in Ireland, Sirius is on house arrest, and Remus can't come either.

You and I will have fun though. Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow.

James

P.S. Your gift is attached.

* * *

Dear James,

Merry Christmas, yes, I'm coming over tomorrow. Mum says she's glad to have me out of the house, so she and dad can "reconnect" or some lame thing like that. Although, I don't understand why they can't reconnect when I'm at school all year…but whatever.

Peter

* * *

James,

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!

I hope your holiday is merry and bright, and blah, blah, blah.

I'd love to write more but unfortunately dear old mum is screaming up the stairs for me to get downstairs before I regret being born, or she curses me into next week, etc, etc. We're going to a party at the Malfoy house. Oh to joy. It's basically a meeting of every evil pureblood family. Apparently it's very important for us to cultivate good relations with the Malfoys because they're plotting to marry Narcissa off to Lucius after she graduates. Bellatrix is supposed to marry Rodolphus Lestrange in a few months, and there's talk of marrying Andromeda off to Macnair, or Rosier, or something, although they've yet to draw up any formal documentation. I personally think Andromeda is interested in Ted Tonks, do you know him? He's a seventh year Hufflepuff. Not that he'd be considered acceptable material for a Black heiress.

Anyway, like I said, I better go, I can hear Kreacher creeping up the stairs muttering about how his mistress wants to kill the foul blood traitor, which you know, is my cue. See yeah, later!

Sirius

P.S. I've attached your present.

* * *

Sirius,

Merry Christmas!

Sounds like you have a fun night ahead of you, I doubt this will reach you before you leave for the party, as it sounds like your mum wanted to leave right away. Anyway, I'm glad we don't have that arranged marriage garbage in my family; I'd hate to end up marrying anyone other then my darling Lilyflower.

Although, I'm sure Narcissa has no problem wedding Lucius, as he will make her first lady of evil pureblood mistresses. And, Bellatrix just likes to control people, and Rodolphus should be easy enough for her to manipulate, as well as lacking in moral values. I wish Andromeda luck, Macnair is downright creepy (I saw him tormenting his owl the other day), and Rosier has that air of a quiet sociopath.

Anyway, I'll see you at the banquet on New Years,

James

P.S. You may notice a large package attached to the owl's leg, this is in fact your present.

* * *

Dear Sirius,

I understand that you're quite upset over your red and green state, unfortunately I cannot undo the charm, as it will last for as many days after Christmas as you opened it early, which means it will expire somewhere around January 2nd?

Did you at least like your present?

Anyway, Merry Christmas!!!

Love,

Marlene

* * *

Dear Mars,

I forgive you…I guess.

My mum is not very pleased with you I'll have you know, as I had to go to the Malfoy's party tonight red with green stripes, (which is why I forgive you, because anything that contributes to my mum's anger is alright in my book).

I very much enjoyed your present, it was incredibly thoughtful—what could suit me better than a pack of diversion creating smoke bombs?!

Anyway, Merry Christmas!

Sirius

P.S. Your gift is attached.

* * *

Dear Remy,

I am sadly still red and green. However, Mars and I have made up which is what really matters.

I hope you're having a good Christmas, Merlin knows you guys could use one after all the incidents your family has had so far this year (seriously, holidays are most likely to result in injuries, so stay away from knives, steep cliffs, nifflers, elves, eggnog, etc).

Sirius!!!

* * *

Dear Sirius,

You deserve to be red and green. Just because my family happens to have the occasional…er, accident doesn't mean that we can't be around "dangerous" objects.

I'll have you know that the Lupin family survived Christmas with no further injury.

In other news, how was your holiday? I hope everything went well. I've attached your gift, and I look forward to seeing you on the Hogwarts Express on January 2nd.

Remus

* * *

Dear Peter,

Merry Christmas! I haven't heard from you much over break, although I haven't had much time to write letters either (Marlene, apparently was quite upset by this, or so James informs me). Anyway, have a nice holiday, see you on the 2nd.

Sirius!

* * *

Dear Sirius,

Merry Christmas!

Yeah, I haven't had much time for letters either; mum has been dragging me around to visit a thousand and one relatives. Ugh. I may never recover from the psychological damage. Anyway, happy holidays!

Peter

* * *

Dear Remus,

Merry Christmas!!!

I am quite upset that I have not seen you for the entire break.

Are you quite certain you can't come over? Peter's staying from the 26th to the 28th.

James

* * *

James,

I'm quite certain. I'm going to go visit my aunt in Yorkshire. My mum is feeling well enough to go out, so we're going to go see her.

Anyway, break will be over soon, and you'll see me then.

Merry Christmas,

Remus

* * *

**The Potter Household-Pre Banquet**

"James, I'm sure I don't need to remind you that, I absolutely will not accept any misbehavior on your part, during this banquet." Dorea Potter said sternly to her only son. "I know what your new friend, Sirius, did at the ministry a few years ago-"

"How do you know about that?" James demanded, completely interrupting his mother while also ignoring her reprimand.

"I was a Black before I married your father," She replied, her tone implying that this should be obvious.

"I know that, but why didn't you ever tell me about it? I've lost so many years where Sirius and I could've been making history."

"Which is exactly why I didn't tell you, as if you needed any help creating mischief, you still don't actually. Although I seem to recall that Sirius was always a very nice child, you probably don't remember, but you used to have 'play-dates' with him when you were both around a year or two old. I stopped bringing you, because, well…I felt it better to keep some distance between us, Walburga and I never exactly saw eye to eye, but I haven't been disowned quite yet."

"I reckon his mum is totally nutters." James murmured in reply.

"James Harold Potter!" His mother scolded although James could tell her heart wasn't in it.

"It's true though."

His mother refrained from replying to his comment, instead she returned to the original conversation. "Anyway, I expect you to be on your absolute best behavior during the banquet. The last thing Sirius will need is any more trouble after getting sorted into Gryffindor, every Black for over a century has been in Slytherin, and no Black has ever been in Gryffindor. I assure you his parents will be vexed enough without you two and Marlene stirring up any more trouble."

"Sure, sure." James replied. _Of course Sirius can only get in trouble if we get caught_. He added privately to himself.

* * *

**The McKinnon Household-Pre Banquet**

"Marleeeeeeene. Tell Marcas to give me back my toy broom." Marlene's youngest brother, who was six and stubborn, complained loudly.

"I can't give you back something I don't have," Marcas, the eldest of her younger brothers, at ten, replied rolling his eyes.

"You have it, I know you stole it!" Maxwell replied heatedly.

"You probably just lost it in that travesty you call a bedroom." Merric, the second youngest at eight replied.

"Hey, now, let's not criticize people for having, ah, creative er, rooms…" Marlene, whose own room looked like it had been hit by a category four hurricane, hastily put in.

"Honestly, can't we have a moment's peace in this house?" Their father, Martin McKinnon, asked with fond exasperation.

"I resent the implication that I am anything like those barbarians." Merric complained. Marcas rolled his eyes at his brother.

"Please, who's the one who threw a tantrum last week because Maxwell took your fake wand?" Marcas retorted.

"Now, now, children," Their father reprimanded absently. "Aren't you four supposed to be preparing for the banquet tonight?"

"…well, yeah, I guess." Marlene mumbled while the other three murmured intelligibly.

"You better get to it, we're leaving in two hours, so go get ready," He ordered. "Oh, and, I expect the four of you to be on your very best behavior, you got that? There will be _**no**_ conducting experiments on the other children, Merric. Maxwell, your toy broom will _**absolutely not**_ be coming with us. Marcas, under no circumstances are you to set _anything_ on fire, and Marlene, please, please, please, for the love of Merlin, please **refrain** from flooding, igniting, shattering, destroying, or otherwise touching _**anything**_. The ministry does not, I repeat **does not**, need to be re-decorated. I want no repeats of two years ago when you and Sirius decided it would be a good idea to break into the Department for the Control and Regulation of Magical Creatures and unleash random animals. And, I don't care how big you think such and such lady's nose is, you are _NOT_ to tell her so. Got _it_, you four?"

"Fine." They replied sullenly before storming past him up the stairs to get ready for the banquet.

Martin was left shaking his head fondly at his four youngest children. He was contemplating seeking out his wife when his second-oldest son, at eighteen, entered the room.

"Hey dad, I heard you lecturing the others, what'd they do now?" Milo McKinnon questioned, grinning when his dad scowled at him.

"_I_ do not lecture, I simply advise, er, strongly," Martin replied to his son.

"Sure, sure."

"When did you get back? I thought you had some publicity thing or other?"

Milo was a Quidditch player on the Irish professional team; he had been recruited straight out of Hogwarts and was now beginning his second season. He had ostensibly been given two weeks off for the holidays, but he was still forced to attend various publicity events in support of the team.

"I did. I just got in ten minutes or so ago, I ran into mum, she said heads will roll if she doesn't see 'Lene, Marcas, Merric, and Max downstairs and presentable very, very soon. She also said that Malcolm had better not be late or so help her…and yeah, well, you really don't want to here the rest." Milo said trailing off as his father's face paled.

"Great, it's only four o'clock and your mum is already on a rampage. Milo, would you go upstairs and check that the others are actually getting ready as opposed to maiming each other and/or plotting mass destruction? And, I hope you're planning to change before the banquet?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll check on them, but you know I really think you exaggerate their, er, destructiveness and what not, they're just eh, high spirited."

"Yes, and you were a little angel sent from heaven above." Martin said with a snort. Milo, like his four younger siblings had been a handful when he was younger (and still was, really). Malcolm wasn't much better than the others, but being the eldest of six, he was at least moderately more mature.

Milo rolled his eyes at his father good-naturedly as he headed upstairs.

* * *

**The Black House-Pre Banquet**

"Kreacher's mistress is telling him that the young master should be downstairs in his best robes in twenty minutes. She is saying that she will be extremely upset if you is not there. She said that she is finding a strong enough glamour charm to cover up your deviousness." The house elf finished his recitation and left the room muttering about how the mistress' eldest son was such a disappointment to his poor, dear mistress.

Sirius rolled his grey eyes upward as though praying for strength before going into his closet and seeking out the dreaded dress robes. He absolutely loathed them; they were utterly uncomfortable and ugly, if you asked his opinion, and more suited to a funeral than a celebration. They were made of an oppressive black material, and emblazoned with the Black family crest. He hurriedly changed into the desired outfit, figuring it would be best just to go along with it, so that his parents would be less suspicious of his activities later on (although he did stuff his inside pockets with several implements which would be crucial to his activities later on).

He got downstairs right after Regulus, but the way his mother went on you would think he'd kept them waiting for an hour. She hurriedly jabbed her wand at him murmuring the glamour charm, which would cover up Marlene's prank.

"I don't know who these friends of yours are, but anyone who finds turning you red and green to be funny is unacceptable in my book." Walburga said glaring down at her eldest son. "And don't you roll your eyes at me, or else you'll live to regret it." She paused for a moment before speaking again. "Regulus, dear, you look very handsome tonight."

Sirius rolled his eyes once more as he followed his mother and father out the door, Regulus taking up the rear. "This is going to be fun." He mumbled to himself. "I can tell already."

* * *

**A/N Happy New Year, now press the lovely rectangular button which is beginning to grow on me although I do still feel pangs of sadness as I recall my old friend the periwinkly button. Anyway, do i need a pen name and my self strongly desire reviews, and upon recieving them will have an incentive to update faster and with long chapters. :D :D :D**


	9. Chapter 9

**a/n-Well, readers, you never thought this day would come, did you? Yes, this is us updating. Don't be too shocked. And don't go thinking we've abandoned you for six months, that's actually how long it took to write this entire chapter. On the same note, do i need a pen name wishes you all to know that typing this ginormous chapter nearly caused her fingers to fall off...over a period of six months. So you'd better enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer-Well, believe it or not, neither of us is J.K. Rowling. We are not her. However, we did make up Cathleen, Milo, Marcas, Merric, and Maxwell McKinnon. THEY are OURS!**

**Happy Reading.**

**Chapter Nine**

"Marlene!" James cried excitedly, spotting the girl in question across the room. She was seated on a small stool in the corner with three red-haired boys sitting on the floor before her.

"James!" Marlene cried back, jumping up and running across the room, practically tackling her friend. "Happy New Year! How was your Christmas? Did you like my present? Did you miss me? Well, did you? Huh? _Did you_?"

"Happy New Year." James replied. "Quiet, but fun. Yes, of course, it was brilliant. I suppose I did, yeah…So, do you know what's up with this whole 'kid's only' room thingy?"

After having waited to see his friends for what he considered an unbelievably long time while his mother did her hair, James had arrived at the Ministry function with his parents, where house elves had taken their cloaks at the door. Right when the three of them were about to go into the ballroom, a quite harassed-looking young intern appeared out of nowhere to inform the Potters that the Ministry, in an attempt to be more 'child friendly' was providing an Underage Wizards Room for the event. The official story was that it was so parents wouldn't have to look after their children and would have more time to socialize. James, however, disagreed, and so did Marlene.

"It's a secret plot, of course." Marlene stated, as if this was obvious. "The ministry thinks that keeping us in this room will keep them safe. Obviously we've been to their functions before, but they must have heard about our wonderful, erm…_academic_ endeavors at school, and now they're terrified."

"That's exactly what I was thinking." James replied with a nod. "Is Sirius here yet?"

"Nope." Marlene replied. "But my mother's completely obsessed with being on time for everything, so I've already been stuck in here for _over an hour _with my brothers!"

"Your brothers?" James perked up immediately, looking around, as if expecting one of them in particular to be standing right there. "Are they all here?"

"Only the young children." Marlene replied, suddenly grabbing the black-haired boy's arm. "Come meet them. I'm sure they'd love to meet you. Really, they can be quite charming."

"Are you feeling alright, Marlene?" James asked, looking concerned for his friend. "I thought you couldn't stand your brothers?"

"Nonsense." Marlene said with a dismissive wave of her hand, still dragging James over to the corner that she had previously been sitting in. "That's only when they won't listen to me."

"Mars!" What appeared to be the youngest member of the McKinnon family exclaimed when James and Marlene stopped in front of them. "We thought you were never going to come back!"

"Is that your boyfriend?" One of the other boys asked, before the youngest had finished speaking.

"Don't be ridiculous." The third redhead said. "You know what Sirius looks like. And she called him 'James' duh. _That's_ not her boyfriend."

"How many times do I have to tell you Marcas?" Marlene demanded angrily, dropping James' arm and rounding on her brother. "Sirius is not my boyfriend! He is my partner in crime!" All of a sudden she turned back to face James, a smile appearing on her face. "Now, James, meet my brothers: Marcas, Merric, and Maxwell." She pointed to each of them in turn. "Young children, meet my friend, James."

"I don't suppose your brother Milo is anywhere nearby, is he?" James asked hopefully.

Marlene opened her mouth but could not reply because the youngest boy—Maxwell, suddenly burst into tears.

"Milo!" He cried. "Poor, innocent Milo! He was so young!"

"There, there, Max." Merric said consolingly, patting his younger brother on the back. "We all feel the same way."

"B-But…I just miss him _so_ much!" Maxwell cried. "I want M-Milo back!"

"What are they talking about?" James questioned Marlene, looking alarmed. It was Marcas who answered him, however, promptly cutting his sister off as she opened her mouth to reply.

"They're talking about our brother, dear Milo." Marcas replied somberly. "He went out for a little fly after lunch…and…well, let's just say the Irish International Quidditch Team's recruitment of him was a bit premature. He had a horrible crash into a tree…and…well, he's no longer with us."

"Milo!" Maxwell cried again. "Poor, innocent Milo!"

"So young…" Merric said with a shake of his head.

James' jaw dropped. Milo McKinnon, without a doubt the best player in the whole professional Quidditch league was dead…because he'd crashed into a stationary object?

"James?" Marlene asked, waving a hand in front of his face. "James, are you alright?"

Sirius chose just that moment to enter the room, a scowl on his face and his younger brother in tow. After quickly scanning the room, however, his face lit up immediately as soon as he saw two of his best friends.

"Jamsie!" He cried, making a beeline towards them, pulling his brother after him. "Mars!"

"_That's_ her boyfriend." Marcas informed Merric under his breath, but not so softly that Marlene didn't hear him.

"He is _not_." She stated vehemently.

"Oh yeah, _sure_…" Marcas replied, in a tone which suggested his beliefs about the matter currently at hand were anything but what his sister had just said.

"Mars!" Sirius exclaimed again, having just reached the corner that James and the younger McKinnon children were standing in. Now that he was so close though, he finally noticed James' unblinking, shocked expression. "What's wrong with Jamsie?"

"Milo is _dead_!" Maxwell cried.

"Then how come I saw him with your parents when I attempted to escape that crazy Ministry person and get into the ballroom?" Sirius asked, indicating over his shoulder with his thumb in the direction he had come from.

"You _saw_ him?" James demanded, suddenly coming out of his daze. "He's _not_ dead?" He rounded on Marlene. "Mars! How could you lead me to believe such a terrible and tragic thing about your older brother and one of my greatest idols? I thought the world was going to end!"

"Now James," Marlene said in a tone one would use when trying to explain the concept of why one plus one equals two to a very young child. "Let's not over-react here. You may recall that I didn't say a single word about my dear older brother's untimely demise. That was all the young children."

"Hello!" Maxwell said happily, giving James a wave, all evidence of tears gone from his face.

"But this is brilliant, Mars." Sirius said, cutting James off from whatever it was he was going to say next. "I didn't realize how far you'd come with the young children."

"Must you really refer to us in such a degrading manner?" Marcas demanded. "I'm only a year younger than you lot!"

"Are you really?" Sirius asked. "Excellent." He pushed Regulus towards Marcas. "Marcas, Reggie, you two are each other's new best friend. You're the same age, aren't you? No? Well, close enough…" He turned back to Marlene and James. "But back to what I was saying before, we can totally use this to our advantage!"

"Um…use _what_, exactly, to our advantage?" James asked, looking confused.

"The young children and their deceptive ways!" Sirius cried. He threw his arm out, gesturing towards the entire room. "All of them! It'll be a mass breakout! We'll be a swarm! Those Ministry people won't know what hit 'em!"

"Hmm…" Marlene said thoughtfully. "While that plan definitely shows some potential, I think we need to do something a bit more…well, big, I suppose, once we get to the ballroom. We can't let the Ministry down! We all know that they secretly look forward to all of the functions our parents have to attend with us in tow. This whole kid's room business is just them denying what they know is the truth."

"And the truth would be…" James prodded her.

"They want us to wreak havoc upon them!" Marlene cried.

"I don't think they do." Regulus spoke up for the first time.

"Well I think they do." Marlene informed him.

"But I really don't think they do." Regulus insisted.

"But I _really _think they _do_." Marlene said menacingly, taking a step forward so that she could better stare him down in a threatening manner. However, the effect was rather ruined by the fact that the nine-year old boy was just a tad bit taller than she was.

"Sirius!" Regulus cried, frightened nonetheless and cowering slightly. "Your girlfriend is scaring me!"

"Good grief, Reg, Mars isn't my girlfriend." Sirius informed his brother, looking insulted.

"That's not what her brother said." Regulus retorted. "I heard him say that she's your girlfriend."

"Marcas is a pathological liar." Marlene said smoothly.

"Wow…Mars…Moony would be proud." James said. "You just used a big word, and I think you used it right, too."

"It's my New Year's Resolution to be smarter than Moony, but in a better way." Marlene stated. "Now, back to this business of breaking out. Here's what I had in mind…"

Twenty minutes of intense planning later, it all got off to a very loud start, and the events that followed forever changed the Ministry of Magic's official views on family friendly events/policies.

_BOOM!_

The chaos that ensued in the Underage Wizards Room (Which was only being monitored every so often when the hassled intern showed up with a new child in tow, anyway) allowed Marlene the chance to slip out and sneak into the ballroom. Once there, it appeared that no one had heard the rather loud result of the detonation of one of Sirius' Christmas presents.

As soon as she entered the room, this one full of adults and a few older Hogwarts students, Marlene quickly began scanning the crowd. Her eyes finally rested on one woman in particular who was just leaving a knot of people who all appeared to favor the Slytherin shade of green. As luck would have it, the woman began heading right for the doorway and entrance to the ballroom, where Marlene was currently standing.

"Excuse me, ma'am?" Marlene asked as the woman approached.

"Oh, hello there." The woman said kindly, though looking a bit surprised. "Can I help you, dear? You know, you're the first child I've seen here all night. I thought this was supposed to be a family event."

"It's simply awful, ma'am!" Marlene exclaimed. "The Minister's intern-people made all of us poor, innocent children go into one room, all by ourselves and all together. We've got absolutely nothing to do and no adults supervising us. And there are some scary older kids in there who're trying to take charge and boss us around! It's simply awful! I only just managed to get past those mean interns—they're standing guard outside the door—because I need to find my parents. The mean kids made my poor, innocent little brother cry!"

The woman's mouth narrowed into a thin line at this seemingly convincing pronouncement. "They're probably all destined for Slytherin, the lot of them. Why don't you show me where this room is, dear, and I'll get everything all sorted out in no time."

"But the intern-people!" Marlene cried. "They'll see me with you and then they'll tell the Minister, and he'll probably get mad at my parents, and, oh, things just won't turn out well at all."

"Why don't you wait here then, dear, and I'll go by myself." The woman suggested.

But Marlene shook her head. "It's too complicated to explain how to get there. It's a miracle I even made it back here."

If possible, the woman pursed her lips even tighter so that they now resembled a very thin line, if that. Then, suddenly, her eyes lit up.

"You said the Minister's personal office arranged all of this?" She questioned.

"Yep." Marlene said with a nod.

"Then I know just the thing we need to do, young lady." The woman said with a conspiratorial smile.

**Fifteen minutes later…**

"You there!" A voice demanded imperiously. "What are you doing here?"

The loud voice made the intern—who was just leaving the Underage Wizards Room looking slightly more singed than she had before entering it—jump about a foot in the air. Turning, the intern came face-to-face with none other than the wife of the Minister of Magic.

"M-Mrs. Leach." The intern squeaked out.

"Yes, that's my name," She said, "But you haven't answered my question yet. What, exactly, are you doing down here? The party is upstairs. You have no reason to be here right now."

"Er…your husband…uh, that is to say Mr. Leach, the M-Minister, assigned me down here for the duration of the evening." The intern managed to say.

"Doing what?" Mrs. Leach snapped.

"W-Watching the children." The intern said.

Mrs. Leach's eyes widened and her mouth narrowed. "You're telling me that you're the one who has all of the children? Get out of my way!"

Terrified, the intern leapt to the side, allowing Mrs. Leach access to the door. When she opened it, it was to reveal a room that appeared a bit hazy and contained a lingering smell of smoke in the air. It was also full of miserable-looking children.

"Oh, you poor dears." Mrs. Leach said, her face softening immediately. "How would you like to come upstairs to the party?"

"Can we really?" James demanded excitedly, his mind once more on a certain quidditch star.

"Of course dears." Mrs. Leach stated. "I want all of you to come upstairs with me." She pursed her lips once more. "I'm going to need to have a long conversation with that husband of mine about this."

"Thanks, Mrs. Minister's Wife." Sirius said brightly, once more dragging Regulus after him. "It's been getting a bit stuffy down here."

Mrs. Leach led all of the children back up to the ballroom, but stopped just short of the doors, which had since been closed.

"Now dears," She began, turning around to face all of the young, eager faces, "I want you all to have as much fun as you possibly can tonight. In fact, just go wild and do whatever you want to do. No one gets in trouble tonight!"

"Whatever we want?" Marcas questioned eagerly.

"Whatever you want." Mrs. Leach confirmed, before turning back around and throwing the doors to the ballroom open with a loud _bang!_

"Nobby Leach!" She hollered at the top of her lungs as the children gathered in the doorway around her. "You come here right this instant!"

As one the group of adults turned to see what the commotion was all about. An opening appeared in the crowd and the Minister of Magic, Mr. Leach, stepped closer to his wife.

"Is something wrong, dear?" He asked, his gaze darting to the children and then back to his wife's angry face.

"You better believe there is." She stated. "And don't you think any sweet talking is going to get you out of this one! Why on earth were these children made to be cramped up in that room all by themselves away from everyone else here?"

"We're, uh, trying to let their parents be free to socialize with their children encumbering them." Mr. Leach said slowly, quite terrified of his wife still.

"You mean you want to be to spend as much time as possible just with these fine members of our magical community just so that you can talk your way into them giving you as much money as possible for your re-election campaign, don't you?" Mrs. Leach demanded.

"Erm…no?" Mr. Leach replied, but it wasn't entirely convincing of him.

"I'm so disappointed with you, Nobby." Mrs. Leach said with a shake of her head. "I think you've emotionally scarred each and every one of these poor, innocent children for the rest of their lives."

"I agree." Regulus muttered under his breath, and Sirius smiled at his brother encouragingly.

"That's the spirit, Reggie!" Sirius murmured quietly, so as not to distract from the spectacle that was the leader of Great Britain's magical community and his wife. "Go against authority."

"I'm afraid these children simply must not be allowed back into that room." Mrs. Leach continued. "So I've brought them all up here to join in the festivities. I expect better from you next time, Nobby."

Many of the children gave a great cheer at this, and at least half of them made their way over to the buffet table as the adults broke out into excited chatter, gossiping about the events that had just occurred.

It all might have worked out just as Mrs. Leach had planned it to, too. However, she soon became caught up in various conversations and was thus unable to slip out of the ballroom unnoticed. She had been in the middle of discussing why, exactly, she thought her husband shouldn't be re-elected to office with his main competition when she suddenly began to shrink, and her hair began turning a rather bright shade of orange. In no time at all, little Marlene McKinnon was standing where Mrs. Leach had just been, practically drowning in the woman's dress robes.

"Uh-oh." Was all Marlene could say. "This wasn't supposed to happen."

And, just as Marlene's luck would have it, her parents happened to be standing just behind her at that exact moment.

"Marlene Mackenzie McKinnon." Cathleen McKinnon stated dangerously, her eyes glinting as she took in the sight of her only daughter. "What on earth is going on here?"

"Um…"

"It's not her fault Mrs. McKinnon, honest." Sirius said, suddenly appearing from nowhere, his younger brother still in tow.

"Yeah, we helped her with the plan." James said, right behind his best friend, the three youngest McKinnons close behind him.

"You did what?" Walburga Black had chosen that exact moment to approach the Minister's wife. "And I suppose you've dragged your brother into all this nonsense, too. You're in so much trouble now, boy!"

"But _mum_! I was just trying to promote inter-wizarding-family relationships and expand dear, sweet Regulus' worldview!" Sirius protested as his mother led him away, her hand clutched tightly around his arm.

"I'm afraid I have to agree with Mrs. Black." Mr. and Mrs. Potter had come over to see what this new commotion was about. "No broom for the rest of break, James."

"But _mum_! I was just trying to break down barriers and spread anti-segregation propaganda in the form of a mass demonstration!" It was James' turn to protest.

"And you're to stay in your room until it's time for you to get back on that train, missy." Mrs. McKinnon said to Marlene. "And don't even think about trying to sneak the owl into your room, or about asking your grandfather to break you out." **(1)**

"But _mum_! I'm your only daughter! Punish the boys, they've corrupted my innocent mind!" Marlene insisted.

"Hey!" Marcas, Merric, and Max protested all at once.

Midnight came not long after, and with it the departure of the Blacks, McKinnons, and Potters. Once they had left, the Minister poured himself a drink and collapsed at a table in the corner. Perhaps they shouldn't have put all of the young miscreants in one place. Yes, there was one thing that was now quite clear to the Ministry officials: the Nursery—_ahem_, the Underage Wizards Room was a complete and utter failure.

And where had his wife gotten to?

**a/n-now go review and tell us how happy you are that we updated. or, you could take the less traditional approach and tell us how much you dislike it when some of your favorite authors actually update their stories (the nerve of them). Either way works, really, as long as there is reviewing taking place.**

**(1)-An-Jelly-Ca wants everyone to go read her story Amorevolous which is all about Marlene and her grandfather, and which do i need a pen name enjoyed reading very much and therefore recommends to everyone!**


	10. Chapter 10

**a/n-Well dear, sweet, wonderful readers, we had a plan. And it was a good plan. In fact, it was a Grand Master Plan. You see, we weren't going to be able to get together to write the chapters together anymore because we were going to be living halfway across the country from each other. So, we were going to take turns writing each chapter. But alas dear, sweet, wonderful, insanely patient readers, we failed. You see, this chapter was started ages ago, but it was only completed once we were in the same state again. So yeah, go us...Of course, that's not to say we contributed equally to the writing of this chapter. No, it goes something like this: An-Jelly-Ca was asleep on do i need a pen name's arm whilst a majority of this chapter was written. In fact, An-Jelly-Ca wrote about 3 lines total. But do i need a pen name isn't bitter at all. Nope, not a chance. In fact, she's feeling rather generous. If anyone, by some miraculous stroke of luck, can guess which 3 lines An-Jelly-Ca wrote, then we'll update tomorrow. Oh, and did I mention that I'm making An-Jelly-Ca write the next chapter? :D**

**disclaimer-If we were J.K. Rowling, you'd all still be waiting for the second book to come out, we guarantee it.**

**Chapter Ten**

"Psst…Sirius, wake up." James hissed in his best friend's ear one lovely Monday morning halfway through February, just before the crack of dawn.

"Go away, I'm sleeping." Sirius mumbled, rather incoherently due to the fact that he was, in fact, practically unconscious at the current moment.

"That's why I'm telling you to wake up." James replied, yanking the blanket off of his friend. "Now get up."

"But it's Saturday." Sirius protested, opening one bleary eye to glare at his friend.

James merely rose an eyebrow at the now-shivering boy in the bed before him. "That one only works when it actually is Saturday."

"But it _is_ Saturday." Sirius insisted, groping for his warm covers rather futilely, due to the fact that James had handed the aforementioned blanket to Peter, who had proceeded to walk across the room, thus forcing Sirius to actually get up if he insisted on following through with his endeavor to remain in bed. Althogether putting him in quite the conundrum.

"You're right," Remus began, "It is Saturday. But only if we stole a time turner from the Ministry of Magic and used it to go back in time so that it could be two days ago again."

"So get up already." James demanded.

"I don't wanna." Sirius replied, but it came out muffled as the boy in question had proceeded to cover his head with his pillow. "It's too early. I don't even see the sun yet."

"That would most likely be because your head is underneath a pillow." Remus said dryly.

"You know," James said, "This is really sad, Sirius. Marlene is up already. And if _Marlene_, of all people, can get up this early, then you can get up, too."

Sirius didn't reply.

"We can do this the easy way or the hard way, Sirius." James warned now. "It's up to you."

Still no reply.

"Fine." James heaved a rather put-upon kind of sigh, as if he really didn't want to do what he was about to do. "Peter, the scissors, if you please. Sirius needs a haircut."

In the blink of an eye Sirius was out of his bed and scrambling for a clean (looking) uniform in his trunk.

"We'll be waiting for you in the common room." James said pleasantly.

The three boys made their way down to the deserted common room and mere minutes later they were joined there by a fully clothed Sirius. The latter opened his mouth to make known his extreme dislike for getting up at such an ungodly hour of the morning, but he happened to glance around the room first. The disgruntled expression on the Black heir's face quickly turned suspicious.

"Where's Mars? You told me she was down here." Sirius said in an accusing tone.

"Pay up. I told you he heard me say his girlfriend was already down here." James said immediately, turning to Remus. "Hmm…you know, we so should have sent Mars flowers from Sirius. That probably would have gotten her up right away."

"Next year, James. Next year." Remus said with a roll of his eyes, rummaging around in his pocket before taking out a silver sickle and tossing it to his bespectacled friend.

"I'm going to ignore that completely false statement about Mars and myself for the moment," Sirius began, "As long as you lot explain why on earth I had to get up this early and why you lied about Mars being here."

"Sirius, don't you know what day it is?" James asked.

"Well, if it's not Saturday, then obviously not." Sirius said in a voice that implied he _really_ wanted to end that sentence with a 'duh.' "You mentioned something about that terrible day of the week that begins with the letter 'M' didn't you?"

"Don't blaspheme about the most marvelously magnificent letter M." Marlene said through a heavy yawn, choosing just that moment to exit the stairs leading from the girl's dormitories.

James, meanwhile, was shaking his head sadly at his best friend.

"Sirius, it's not just Monday." James said slowly. "It's Monday, February 14."

"And that specific date is special because…" Sirius trailed off.

"It's Valentine's Day, you dolt." Marlene said now, walking up behind Sirius and smacking him on the head. "The day of our best prank yet."

"That's today?" Sirius demanded, fully awake now. "Why didn't anyone tell me? Why on earth would you insane people let me sleep through the first six hours of such a momentous day?"

"I think the better question," Marlene began, but paused to yawn yet again, "Is why would you _only_ let me sleep through the first six hours of today?"

"You two deserve each other. Honestly, haven't you ever heard, 'early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise?'" Remus demanded.

Marlene and Sirius exchanged a tired look, and chorused in unison: "No."

"Stop griping." James interrupted. "Now, here's what we need to do..."

**Two Hours Later**

"Is everything in place?" Marlene questioned.

"We're all set," Remus reassured her.

"The Great Hall looks pretty crowded," Peter remarked. "I think just about everyone is out there now."

"Excellent. Give James and Sirius the signal," Marlene commanded.

The two Marauders and Marlene were currently concealed in the antechamber behind the staff table. Marlene was standing in the middle of the room, with her hands on her hips directing the action, while Peter, the lookout, was crouched next to the door, which was open about a crack. Remus, meanwhile, was seated on the floor next to Peter, leaning against the wall and taking his time polishing off a gigantic stack of chocolate chip pancakes. No matter how important this prank was supposed to be, the sandy-haired boy refused to skip what he believed to be the most important meal of the day. And as such he had conned the platter of pancakes out of the house elves, who had only been more than willing to oblige.

James and Sirius, on the other hand, were currently hidden out of sight in the Great Hall. By a stroke of luck it happened to be a rather overcast morning and the duo was taking advantage of the cloud cover.

"The signal," Marlene repeated.

Peter jumped slightly. "Oh right," he said quickly, poking the tip of his wand through the crack between the door and the wall.

"Steady hand," Marlene murmured.

Peter mumbled something under his breath, and Marlene closed her eyes, picturing the scene in the Great Hall. At Peter's incantation, there would be a burst of pink and red confetti in the center of the Hall. In the chaos this would cause, Sirius and James would each take the opportunity to shoot a pre-selected target with some very special arrows. Marlene smiled at this thought. Then the fun would begin...

**Meanwhile in the Great Hall...**

Lucius Malfoy morning had not started out well. McGonagall was taking the whole O.W.L. thing to the extreme, in his opinion, and he had been forced to stay up finishing an essay on the proper wand movement involved in Vanishing Spells. And then, after only a few restless hours of sleep, he had woken up at practically the crack of dawn to study for a Potions quiz only to remember that it was Valentine's Day today and he hadn't gotten anything for Narcissa. He had remedied that in time for breakfast but, as a result, he wasn't looking forward to Potions first thing this morning. His less than delightful thoughts, however, were suddenly interrupted with a loud bang, quite literally.

"What the bloody hell is this?" Lucius demanded, sounding irritated beyond belief as he flicked a blue piece of confetti off of his bacon.

"Decorations for the holiday," Narcissa informed her boyfriend, ignoring the hostility apparent in his voice. "The color is all wrong though."

"It was probably one of those Hufflepuffs," Rabastan Lestrange, seated across from Lucius, said with an air of distaste. "They can't seem to do anything right."

"A waste of space, the lot of them," Walden Macnair agreed from next to Rabastan. "Take that Jorkins girl, for instance; what a nuisance."

Lucius was about to open his mouth to agree when he jumped slightly, as if someone had just poked him, and a dazed sort of expression fell across his face.

"I think Bertha's amazing..." Lucius said, sounding and looking as if he was in a trance all of a sudden.

"Amazingly annoying," Rabastan said with a snort, while Narcissa frowned at her boyfriend.

"But...just look at her," Lucius commanded his house-mates, his attention focused on the Hufflepuff table on the other side of the Great Hall. "Isn't she a vision of beauty?"

As one, the three other Slytherins turned to catch sight of Bertha Jorkins, with the usual scowl on her face, talking the ear off of her fellow Hufflepuff who was unfortunate enough to be sitting next to her on that fine Monday morning.

"What's gotten into you, Lucius?" Narcissa demanded. She rounded on Lestrange and Macnair, who were attempting to hide their laughter and failing miserably, "This had better be some kind of joke."

"I swear we have no idea what's going on, Cissy," Rabastan deadpanned. "Malfoy's all on his own for this one."

"I think I'll go see if she wants some chocolate," Lucius said suddenly. He stood up and grabbed the box of Honeydukes' finest chocolates that he'd given to Narcissa not half an hour previously.

"Knock it off, Lucius," Narcissa practically screeched, flinging herself off the bench and hurrying after him. "This isn't funny!"

Her outburst went unnoticed, however, as her fellow students appeared to suddenly be coming to life and getting into the holiday spirit as much as Lucius.

"What in Merlin's name is going on?" Professor McGonagall questioned up at the staff table as the Captain of Gryffindor's Quidditch team ran across the Great Hall and effectively tackled her Slytherin counterpart before giving a public display of affection that the Deputy Headmistress found quite indecent, no matter what the date might be, thank you very much.

"Young love..." Professor Dumbledore said with a sigh from his place beside her.

"But McCormack and Rosier _hate_ each other!" Professor McGonagall protested.

"Ah yes, but anyone can put aside their differences for a short time in the spirit of this most marvelous holiday," Dumbledore intoned.

"B-But the students," McGongall stuttered, "Just look at them! This _is_ a school. Shouldn't something be done about all of this pointless _frivolity_, Headmaster?"

"Nonsense," Dumbledore contradicted her, his eyes sparkling behind his half-moon spectacles. "Let them enjoy their fun; after all, final exams will be upon us before we know it. And it _is_ Valentine's Day, after all. Why dampen the mood?"

Professor McGonagall gaped helplessly after the Headmaster as he stood up and made his way out of the Great Hall. Taking in the room as a whole, she gave a frustrated sigh, realizing that there was absolutely nothing she could do about the situation. Taking a moment to think about it, however, she did find it a bit odd. Many of the couples (whose actions Minerva McGonagall _highly_ disapproved of) were not people she would have guessed could work together in any kind of relationship. There were studious Ravenclaws and carefree Hufflepuffs cavorting about together, and her wonderful-if a bit foolhardy, at times-Gryffindors embracing not-always-so-pleasant Slytherins. Yes, something was very wrong with this picture.

But...Dumbledore wasn't going to do anything about it. And really, if Minerva McGonagall was going to be quite honest with herself, when she took a moment to think about it, with the students apparently all on excellent terms with each other, things were bound to run much smoother today...

Yes, perhaps it would be for the best if she let the students continue on with their horribly indecent frivolity. After all, Professor McGonagall was nothing if not practical. But just the same, things had only appeared to have gotten strange after the students had eaten. It would probably be for the best if she stuck to the tin of Ginger Newts in her office for her lunch...


	11. Chapter 11

**a/n-Just for the record, do i need a pen name has never been more disappointed in anyone in her entire life than she has been in the 3 months since the last chapter was uploaded. Not a single person even attempted to guess what 3 lines An-Jelly-Ca wrote in the last chapter! But never fear, you all have the chance at redemption! We'll follow through on the same promise as last time if anyone can guess the one line do i need a pen name wrote in this chapter. And, just for the record, do i need a pen name only wrote one line because she is of the firm opinion that it's about time An-Jelly-Ca stopped being a slacker :)**

**Disclaimer-Ah, yes, we've heard those rumors that we're rich and famous. You have been lied to. We repeat: Those are LIES. Unfortunately...**

**Chapter Eleven**

Sirius and Marlene had been quite suspicious for the past few weeks. At first James had assumed that they were discussing the Valentine's Day plot, but of course here it was three days after their big prank and they were still acting rather odd.

They were also loath to explain anything to him, which just made it all the more suspicious. He had a feeling that something rather large was about to go down, but he couldn't be sure what it was.

When James arrived at breakfast that morning, February 17th, he was shocked to discover that both Sirius and Marlene were already present and in deep discussion. Now, it was really no surprise that Sirius had beaten him to breakfast, as the other boy had more energy than most people combined and would normally be awake far earlier than everyone else, but Marlene needed sleep to maintain her high energy levels, and would not be caught dead in the Great Hall this early.

"What exactly is going on here?" James demanded, sliding into a seat across from Sirius and Marlene (all the better to interrogate them).

The other two Gryffindors looked nonplussed.

"Uh, we're eating breakfast?" Marlene said gesturing to her plate of food.

"A likely story!" James exclaimed before looking down and noting that both Sirius and Marlene were indeed consuming food.

"Are you all right, James?" Sirius inquired, raising his eyebrows.

"…you're just trying to trick me." James said narrowing his eyes. "I know you have something planned…something sinister."

"Er, right, are you sure you haven't hit your head or something?" Sirius said with a puzzled expression.

"You'd like that wouldn't you!" James said hysterically.

"Uh, no, not really." Marlene answered.

"Right, well, as pleasant as this little chat has been, Marlene and I are finished eating and we need to go back to the common room, and pick up our books for class, so we'll see you later, but um, in the meanwhile why don't you try to calm down, and er, diminish your paranoia?" Sirius suggested getting to his feet and gesturing for Marlene to follow him.

"I know you're planning something!" James called after them.

Neither of the other first year Gryffindors deigned to answer him.

That day passed oddly. Of course there was never really a normal day at Hogwarts, but by lunchtime around fifteen students had gone missing, they were mostly Slytherins, although three Hufflepuffs had disappeared, as had a Ravenclaw or two.

No Gryffindors were missing.

On Thursday afternoons the first year Gryffindors had the dubious pleasure of attending Double History of Magic, the air that day was charged with anticipation, although Professor Binns did not seem to notice anything.

"_Psst…_" James hissed at Sirius who sat in front of him. "Did you hear about those missing students? Where do you reckon they got to?"

"Oh, I'm quite certain that they are, ah, merely enjoying some cultural pursuits, expanding their horizons as it were," Sirius whispered back while Binns droned obliviously onward.

"I think they are probably exploring art, learning to see it from a new angle." Marlene jumped in.

James cast them a puzzled look. "You two are acting very strange today."

They were saved from replying when the classroom door opened. And in strode, well more like stumbled Sir Cadogan in full on armor.

"I have come to set you free from the hideous beast that holds you captive, come flock to me students and I shall lead you on a noble quest…"

Not even the spectacle of a portrait character come to life in his classroom could interrupt Professor Binns once he was in full on lecture mode.

"And Wendelin the Weird was chiefly famous for-"

The rest of his lecture was lost to the students as the door to the classroom opened again and in came Violet the best friend of the Fat Lady.

"Ah, fair maiden, have you come to join me on my quest?" Sir Cadogan inquired bowing over her hand.

Her answer was prevented by the sound of enraged shouting in the hallway, and then the door to the classroom burst open and in marched Professor McGonagall.

"Black, McKinnon, come with me." She commanded not even pausing to glance at the two portrait figures in the classroom.

"What seems to be the problem, professor?" Sirius inquired innocently flashing his Head of House one of his most charming grins.

"Don't even try it, Mr. Black." McGonagall snapped. "Would you care to explain this?"

They had come to a halt in front of Sir Cadogan's portrait, which instead of containing the Knight now contained an irate looking Lucius Malfoy who was in fact one of the fifteen students to go missing earlier that day.

"It seems Malfoy has found himself in a bit of trouble," Marlene noted.

Lucius sneered down at her from the painting. Even as a portrait he looked rather formidable.

"Don't even try to act innocent," McGonagall bit out. "We are going directly to the headmaster, and when we get there you are going to tell him how to undo this spell and we will return everyone to their rightful locations, am I clear?"

"It seems that she is not at all appreciative of our hard work," Marlene whispered to Sirius.

"Well, I personally think it was a brilliant bit of magic." Sirius replied.

At this point they had reached Dumbledore's office and were led inside past the Gargoyle, where they were greeted by a rather horrifying sight.

Every Hogwarts headmaster whose portrait hung on the wall was crowded into the tiny office space. Sirius and Marlene exchanged slightly nauseous looks.

"Ah, Mr. Black, Miss McKinnon, I see that Professor McGonagall has managed to locate you." Dumbledore said benignly glancing at them over his half-moon spectacles.

"Er, that she has." Sirius agreed attempting to hide behind Marlene as his own ancestor Phineas Nigellus Black was looking at him rather angrily.

"While this is certainly a charming bit of magic," Dumbledore began.

"Don't encourage the little miscreants, Dumbledore." Professor Dippet exclaimed.

"Yes, yes, Armando," Dumbledore said absently. "I do rather feel it's detrimental to the education of the fifteen youngsters who have been trapped in those portraits for them to persist in their present state, for that reason I would rather appreciate it if you would release them."

"Ah, yes, well about that," Sirius began. "It is really a simple matter for them to be released, all they need to do is say 'Sirius Black and Marlene McKinnon are the greatest pranksters that have ever lived, and we bow before the superiority of Gryffindor house,' and then they'll be totally fine. The portraits will return to their place, and the students will be released."

Dumbledore looked bemused as the other former headmasters began to express their outrage at his insolence. "And what may I ask inspired this bit of spell work?"

"Well you see, it is our anniversary." Marlene began. "Well, more like friend-a-ver-sary. Sirius and I met on February 17th, when we were just five at a Quidditch match, when we pulled a spectacular prank resulting in the disappearance of a referee and ever since then we have celebrated by pulling an enormous prank in commemoration. "

"Ah, quite understandable," Dumbledore nodded over McGonagall's expressions of outrage. "Brilliant display of magic though it was, I am going to have to award you both two months of detentions, and I beg that in the future you will refrain from further acts such as this."

"Of course, headmaster." Sirius and Marlene agreed with identical grins. "We wouldn't dream of repeating the same prank twice."

"I don't believe that was quite what he was getting at," McGonagall said with a sigh. "But we don't have the time to discuss it further; we had better set about releasing the students and returning the proper figures to their portraits."

Sirius and Marlene left the headmaster's office and headed to the portrait frame where one Severus Snape was now being forced to endure a tea party. They figured taunting him would be a good way to spend their time, at least until he became free. Plus, Snape proclaiming the obvious superiority of Gryffindor was something they simply could not miss.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N do i need a pen name and I have found a fresh solution to our problem of never wanting to update. You see we have this aversion to opening word, in order to fix this aversion we have created a joint twitter account and now we write the chapter back and forth 140 characters at a time. Hopefully, this will lead to prompter updating. We are hopeful to write the concluding two chapters of this story very soon.**

**Thanks to all reviewers!**

**Disclaimer: We own nothing except for Marlene's siblings.**

**Chapter Twelve**

March 31st was not the Winter Solstice. Scientifically, it was in no way, shape, or form the shortest day of the year. The residents of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry were not convinced, however. If there was one day that was bound to pass faster than any other, it was most definitely the day before the one they had all been dreading since the arrival of the Marauders: April first. Or, in the world of pranksters: April Fool's day.

There was no doubt in most of their minds that something hugely, unpredictably awful would happen that day. A prank to end all pranks.

The people who had the most to fear, of course, were the residents of a certain snake-related house. Of course, they were also the ones who acted the least fearful. It truly was the greatest tragedy of all that these particular students were so woefully unprepared for life. That would soon change, however, as they would be receiving a crash course in life-preparation in the form of the first MMAFDP—or, Marauders and Marlene April Fool's Day Prank. But, generally, they (minus Remus) preferred to call it MMAFDP pronounced (muh-maf-dap). Which really means they liked to yell "Fear the muhmafdap!" while running throughout the corridors.

It was at times like these that Remus truly regretted not being a hermit. Because honestly, hermits didn't even _have_ friends, let alone friends as clinically insane as his tended to be more often than not. But back to the point…

In short, if anyone thought they would be sleeping in on that particular Saturday, they were clearly delusional.

However, as of the night of March 31st, there was still one tiny, utterly minor flaw in MMAFDP...

"Remus still hasn't come back from visiting his mum," James stated, resisting the urge to repeatedly hit his head against the table they were sitting at in frustration. "What are we going to do?"

"Completely freak out?" Peter suggested.

"That's entirely unhelpful, Peter," Marlene announced. "What we need to do is remain calm. Clearly we need a new plan."

"But I like the one we already have!" Sirius whined. "It's completely diabolical." He paused momentarily before continuing, "Plus, it took weeks of planning. How in Merlin's name are we going to come up with another Grand Master Diabolical Plot to rival the genius of MMAFDP in just a few hours?"

Clearly the situation was proving to be just a tad stressful for the remaining Marauders and Marlene.

"We can't let our dear constituents down," James agreed.

"Our what?" Marlene questioned, completely sidetracked from the very important matter at hand.

"Constituents," James replied. "It's a big, complicated way of saying 'fellow Hogwarts students who benefit immensely from all of the extremely enjoyable pranks we play on them,'" He frowned. "At least…I think it is. Where's Remus when you need him?"

"Well, we've already established that he's not here," Peter stated.

"Which brings us back to our original problem," Sirius cut in swiftly. "_How_ are we going to make this work without him?"

"We need to change the Plan," Marlene stated firmly. "And I've already got a few ideas. Here's what we need to do…"

The next morning dawned rather ominously for a majority of the residents of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Even the weather was ominous. April had decided to kick-start itself with a valiant attempt to prove that April Showers did in fact bring May flowers. Of course, the residents of Hogwarts did not know that they faced any particular danger although the weather was a bit of a downer. They had no idea the doom that was awaiting them in the form of 3/4 the Marauders and Marlene. Of course, that doom would only present itself if they could manage to muddle through without Remus which was a dubious proposition.

They had developed a great and sinister plot. One which had been months in the making.

They had developed a great and sinister plot. One which had been months in the making. Of course, one would find it very hard indeed to believe that this great and sinister plot had taken so very long to plan when one took into account what, exactly, their plot entailed. As Sirius liked to put it, they were going to poison everyone's food for dinner.

Of course, if Remus was present (which, sadly, he was not, as his mother was unfortunately quite ill so very often) he would strongly take umbrage with Sirius' wording, as he felt it was a rather unrefined statement. But really, what better way was there to say that the Marauder's and Marlene planned to taint a certain food item that everyone was sure to ingest (minus themselves, of course) with a potion they had made up themselves, thus resulting in mass chaos for the entire school? And in such a concise way, too.

Really, it couldn't be done. So maybe it was for the best, in this one instance, that Remus was sadly not present.

Sad as it may be, though, the fact remained that April Fool's Day only happened once a year-and thus Marlene and the remaining Marauders simply could not afford to await Remus' return before pulling off their utterly magnificent plot.

And so, when the morning dawned so ominously that April morning, the four Gryffindors were all set to wreak havoc upon their fellow scholars.

There was just one minor remaining problem that had to be dealt with first.

"Er...which food was Remus going to poison?" Sirius asked, before they all went their separate ways.

"The dessert," James answered promptly. "There's no sense in letting a good meal go to waste. We'll never be welcomed into the kitchen again if the house elves think we made people stop caring about eating the fine meal they're sure to prepare."

"I thought it was supposed to be the main dish," Marlene argued, "Because we thought everyone was more likely to eat that, and of course we wouldn't want anyone to feel as if they've been left out of our devious plot."

"No, I thought it was supposed to be the salad," Peter cut in. "Because none of us would eat something so disgustingly healthy, just in case we forgot ourselves and ate it by accident."

"We have salad with our meals?" Sirius questioned. "I don't believe it. The house elves aren't stupid. They wouldn't waste something that truly is so disgustingly healthy on teenagers, such as ourselves and probably a majority of the school, who most likely won't touch it. I think it was the dessert."

"But teenage girls also do weird stuff like diet all the time," Marlene said. "And part of those diets always includes the ridiculous idea that sugar isn't one of the main food groups. I bet you half of the girls at lunch won't touch the dessert, which would ruin our genius plot."

"Mars does have a point," Sirius said slowly. "So I guess the dessert is out."

"Well so is the salad," James said quickly. "If such a thing actually exists."

"Which leaves us with poisoning the main dish," Marlene said happily, which had been her idea all along. "I knew you'd agree with me."

"Sirius only did because he's your boyfriend and he has to agree with everything you say or...or else," James finished lamely after saying the rest in one large breath.

"He. Is. Not. My. Boyfriend." Marlene insisted, her teeth clenched tightly.

"Touchy, Touchy…" James clucked.

"I would be an EXCELLENT boyfriend, I will have you know," Sirius burst out sounding offended.

Marlene glared at him. "I'm sure you would, but that's neither here nor there, as we are clearly just friends, platonic friends and nothing else."

"Yes, yes of course," Sirius hurried to agree. "I just wanted to make it clear how awesome I would be as a boyfriend, just as an FYI."

"Well, isn't that just really special?" James agreed. "Now while I do of course find your love life endlessly fascinating we do have a prank to be getting on with so could we possibly just get on with it?"

"Fine, Fine," Marlene sighed while Sirius swiftly nodded his head in agreement.

"Okay, so, who is going to go charm the main dish?" James asked.

"Well, I think we should send at least two people, so that one of us could distract the house elves while the other one charms the food." Sirius pointed out.

"Right, who's it going to be?" James asked. "Why don't you and your girlfriend go…" He continued without waiting for a reply.

Sirius and Marlene scowled but nodded their acquiescence.

"Excellent." James nodded. "Meanwhile, Peter and I are a go for phase two."

"Great. Let's meet back in the common room at 1700 hours. We are a go." Sirius nodded sagely, seizing Marlene by the wrist and dragging her off toward the kitchens.

"James?" Peter inquired after Sirius and Marlene had disappeared from view. "What exactly is phase two?"

"I'm not sure, but it sounds important." James said with a shrug. "Well, let's go see Evans, shall we?"

Meanwhile, in the kitchens Marlene was doing her best to be…dramatic to say the least.

"I am positively faint with hunger, I fear I shall die," she proclaimed to dozens of worried house elves leaning dramatically against a wall and doing her best to look pale.

"Oh, no, miss, we will get you some food, we will get it right away!" One elf squeaked.

"Oh, yes, yes we will get it!" Anther seconded.

Marlene swooned dramatically as she peaked over their heads to see Sirius sneaking toward the food.

"We'll just be going over there to get it now, miss, don't you worry." The first elf repeated.

Marlene's eyes widened as she thought quickly. The elves couldn't go near Sirius until he finished his task. So, she did the only thing she could do, she went limp and hit the floor in what was supposed to be a pretended faint, of course being herself, she managed to hit her head on the way down, and although she did not actually black out she did manage to create what would probably be a pretty spectacular bump.

Sirius finished what he was doing and hurried over to Marlene as all of the elves crowded around her. "Mars? Are you okay?"

Marlene looked woozily at Sirius. "Since when do you have a twin?" She asked.

Sirius frowned at her. "I think it's time for a trip to the hospital wing," He declared.

"You is leaving so soon? But we have not given miss her food yet!" The house elves protested.

"That's quite all right," Sirius assured them. "We will come back some other time." He continued as he bent down to pull Marlene to her feet.

She swayed uneasily and he wrapped an arm around her waist.

Sirius all but dragged her to the hospital wing.

Strangely enough, when they arrived at the hospital wing, Remus was just emerging.

"Remmie! What on earth are you doing here?" Sirius inquired, puzzled.

"Uh, I'm just, uh, yeah, wait what happened to Marlene?" Remus said in a completely non obvious attempt to change the subject.

"Oh, she hit her head," Sirius waved it off like it was nothing, because well, knowing Marlene another head injury wasn't much to remark on.

"Rem, Rem, Remmie, since when do you have a twin? I thought it was a little odd when Sirius two arrived, but now there are two Remus' also, and that's kind of weird, why does everyone have so many twins?" Marlene asked nonsensically.

"Uh, I think you had better get her to the hospital wing," Remus pointed out trying not to look too relieved.

"But I wanted to hear about what you're doing here." Sirius complained.

"Yes, well, plenty of time for that later. And, I've got to be going, work to do on the prank and all!" Remus proclaimed before hurriedly rushing down the hall.

Sirius shrugged and dragged the delirious Marlene into the hospital wing.

Remus meanwhile, headed to the kitchen to complete his task of putting their special concoction in the pumpkin juice which circumvented the problem of students not eating the various parts of the meal, because everyone drank the pumpkin juice!

He was of course; blissfully unaware of the fact that Sirius and Marlene had already placed some of the concoction in the main dish. Surely, this discrepancy would not come back to bite any of them…

Dinnertime found Marlene newly patched up, and Remus tired-looking but otherwise okay, after what had apparently been a very trying trip to visit his ill mother. James and Sirius were bouncing up and down like kids on Christmas morning, and Peter seemed nervous but similarly eager.

They didn't have to wait long for their concoction to take effect. Of course, not everything went exactly according to plan.

You see, the concoction was something like a truth serum in that it forced people to say what they thought, except that the words just tumbled out of their mouth in a veritable stream without the need for prompting questions. And of course, they said these things in the most offensive way possible.

The problem of course, was that Remus had put the serum in the pumpkin juice, and Sirius and Marlene had put it in the main dish, so everyone except Remus drank the juice and succumbed to the effects, and Remus ate some of the main course also falling under the spell.

Soon, the Great Hall had erupted in a series of fights, there was hair-pulling, crying, violent brawls, and much more.

"Yes, I do think those robes make you look fat," One unfortunate Ravenclaw boy told his girlfriend. Needless to say, she wasn't his girlfriend for much longer.

"Don't you think we should do something about this?" McGonagall inquired of the headmaster looking horrified.

"I suppose the heads of houses should do something don't you think so, Horace?" Dumbledore asked.

Slughorn who had also succumbed to the effects of the serum, spoke his mind: "I'd really rather not."

"That's the spirit!" Dumbledore said as though he hadn't heard him. "Now why don't you all get down there and get the situation under control."

McGonagall rolled her eyes but immediately marched over to her house table. "What is going on here?"

A chorus of he called me fats, she slept with my boyfriends, and etc, etc erupted from most of the table.

Except for the Marauders and Marlene who were babbling something considerably more promising that included something about a truth serum.

So, of course McGonagall like any logical professor immediately targeted the guilty party and marched over to them. To their own inner horror they confessed seemingly unable to stop themselves. McGonagall was of course quite gleeful over this.

Just was she was about to slap them with a couple thousand detentions, the Headmaster stood up and spoke in a magically amplified voice.

"SILENCE," He commanded. "It seems that you all have a lot of negative feelings about each other, and it is in a way good that these five fine students have exposed this negativity to administrative attention,"

McGonagall looked horrified.

"Therefore, you will spend next month attending team building and friendship type bonding activities which will place you in small inter-house groups! That is all!" Dumbledore's eyes twinkled madly as he pronounced this new doom. "You may all return to your houses!"

It looked like May was not going to be a very fun month for the residents of Hogwarts.

**A/N Review! Only two chapters left!**


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